I have to pay for the honeymoon. Is it worth having it?
2014-02-28 11:12 pm
Hi. I'm paying for all the wedding right now because my fiance has other expenses and my parents said they were gonna help but now they said they can only help with the food. I already sent the invitations and I wouldn't like cancelling the wedding after so much planning. I don't mind paying for the wedding but what makes me uncomfortable is that I have to also pay for the honeymoon on top of that. If I would've known before that my parents had little money, I would've wait for the wedding. Now I have to use some of my savings and I really feel like my hubby should pay for the honeymoon at least. I understand that he has responsabilities but he should make an effort, just as I do. It's also his wedding and honeymoon. not just mine. What should I do? And I never had sex with him because I told him I wanted to wait untik our wedding night. The only way to have that special night is if I pay. is that fair? should I have a honeymoon even if I don't feel comfortable paying for it?
回答 (16)
2014-03-01 2:07 am
✔ 最佳答案
My concept of marriage: Two become one, both willing to share joys, sorrows, etc in sickness and in health.And I believe that in marriage, things involving both spouse no longer to be treated as "I" or "you" but as "we".
With these views above and me trying to read between your lines:
- He's not financially sound;
- You're not mentally ready for sex; (even if you consummated on your wedding night, you likely will use it as a weapon to get what you want from your husband in the future.)
- Parents trying to stay out in many matters;
I just like to ask "Do you REALLY want to get married to him?" as I see quite a few red flags in this union already.
(Sorry for being so blunt.)
2014-03-01 7:45 am
"It's also his wedding and honeymoon. not just mine."
Yes, and finances are also something that the two of you are responsible for and need to agree on together, even if your solution is for each of you to ultimately to pay your own way on things (not a great one, in my opinion, but some couples make it work). You should have decided on your budget as a couple - and maybe you did, but if the honeymoon's going to put you over that budget, then you need to have another discussion and figure out what you're going to do just like you would with any other emergency expense that's going to come up over the course of your marriage. And if the message you get from him basically amounts to "this is your problem; solve it yourself," then put the wedding plans on hold, because this disconnect is going to be an issue long after the party and honeymoon are over.
Yes, and finances are also something that the two of you are responsible for and need to agree on together, even if your solution is for each of you to ultimately to pay your own way on things (not a great one, in my opinion, but some couples make it work). You should have decided on your budget as a couple - and maybe you did, but if the honeymoon's going to put you over that budget, then you need to have another discussion and figure out what you're going to do just like you would with any other emergency expense that's going to come up over the course of your marriage. And if the message you get from him basically amounts to "this is your problem; solve it yourself," then put the wedding plans on hold, because this disconnect is going to be an issue long after the party and honeymoon are over.
2014-03-01 7:32 am
First off, you two are getting married, neither you nor him should be paying for anything all on your own, you should both be paying for it. It isn't really fair that you are paying for it all, but ultimately it will even out because your finances will be combined eventually.
2014-03-02 12:28 am
Well...it doesn't have to be an "expensive" honeymoon for it to be special. It's really worth it, and it's important to get away, just the two of you, after all that wedding planning! You are starting your life out new and fresh as husband and wife...getting away together alone is a fabulous feeling...look around, it doesn't have to be someplace "Exotic" just somewhere romantic you can get away for the week. A lot of places have special package deals...do your research.
2014-03-02 12:22 am
Have you and him ever talked thoroughly about finances? It doesn't sound like it, and to be honest, that is scary, because in that case, this isn't a honeymoon question. You have a relationship problem, and it has the potential to be huge. Finances are one of the top 2 reasons marriages break up, because so many don't understand that if you're not fully on the same page about them, his finances and debt become yours and vice versa.
If you've never sat down and talked through all the major issues (debt reduction, savings plan, how major expenses will be handled, who pays for what, etc) it's fair to ask why you're planning a wedding. The disconnect you're having with him right now isn't going to magically disappear once you have a wedding ring on your finger. In fact, it will get worse because of the legal implications.
If you've never sat down and talked through all the major issues (debt reduction, savings plan, how major expenses will be handled, who pays for what, etc) it's fair to ask why you're planning a wedding. The disconnect you're having with him right now isn't going to magically disappear once you have a wedding ring on your finger. In fact, it will get worse because of the legal implications.
2014-03-01 10:34 pm
You two should be talking about how you are going to handle your finances after the wedding. You say he has obligations, does this mean any time you want to do something together you are going to be paying for it?
You really didn't talk about the honeymoon until now?
Yes you have done a lot of planning, but I would give it serious thought to postpone the wedding with a guy like this.
You really didn't talk about the honeymoon until now?
Yes you have done a lot of planning, but I would give it serious thought to postpone the wedding with a guy like this.
2014-03-01 4:19 pm
You were quite presumptuous in assuming that your parents would foot the bill for any portion of your wedding. You are likewise quite foolish to pay for everything yourself because your fiance "has other expenses". That sounds like a pretty lame excuse to me. This is the 21st century. Young couples getting married pay for their own party. BOTH of them help pay for it. If I were you, I'd postpone the wedding until you and your fiance have saved up enough money to be able to afford the wedding you want, without having to look to anyone else to help you pay. And that's AFTER your fiance is out of whatever debt he's in. You are both not mature enough to get married at this point. And no, needing your sexual itch scratched does not equate to "mature enough".
2014-03-01 8:07 am
Seems you are making all the sacrifices and the groom basically is planning to show up and enjoy it. I think it is a preview of your life with him. I would postpone the wedding.
2014-03-01 2:09 pm
Yes you should have a honeymoon. A honeymoon doesn't have to be expensive. As long as the two of you are together for a couple of days it will be a honeymoon. Think about where you could go that you both would enjoy. Do you like camping? State parks are cheap. A couple of days and nights in a fairly nice motel/hotel isn't going to be too expensive. You could go to the zoo, a football game, movie, show, museum, art gallery, shopping, hiking, biking or just sitting on a park bench feeding the birds and squirels. The main thing is that you are together without anyone else intruding. Get out an do something together. Make memories of your first days of being husband and wife. Taking an expensive trip is not a honeymoon. It's exhausting traveling. Wherever you go you will find the same things that you have close by. Why go to europe to find a McDonalds? If he can't afford it and parents can't afford it, do something else. You are right to not want to spend your money on a wedding and the honeymoon...but....whatever money he spends isn't going to be in the kitty either. What's yours is going to be his, and what's his is going to be yours. It doesn't matter whos money is whos. It's all combined. That's what marriage is. Sharing.
2014-03-01 7:23 am
You should have cleared from your parents how far they can help out with the wedding, As for most parents, they would expect the bride to shoulder most of the expenses. Why rush into such thing if your boyfriend is not even capable of wedding expenses. Now that your invitation is out, there is nothing you can do but pay from your savings, it is your wedding anyway. Ask your boyfriend if he can shoulder at least half of the honeymoon expense. It doesn't have to be expensive but rather choose a quiet and relaxing place that both of you can spend the night.
參考: experience
2014-03-01 7:58 am
If you really wanted to marry this guy you'd crawl through flaming lava to do it, and yet you sound like you would cancel the wedding over who pays for the honeymoon, if it wasn't so inconvenient.
Many people can't afford a honeymoon, and they manage to have a wedding night just fine. Maybe you're only allowed to have sex in a fancy hotel on a tropical island, but trust me that doesn't make it better, only more expensive. Wait until you can both pay for the honeymoon, and then have one a year until you can get it right.
Many people can't afford a honeymoon, and they manage to have a wedding night just fine. Maybe you're only allowed to have sex in a fancy hotel on a tropical island, but trust me that doesn't make it better, only more expensive. Wait until you can both pay for the honeymoon, and then have one a year until you can get it right.
2014-03-02 4:12 am
From your question, I'd say neither of you are ready for marriage. You assumed your parents would pay for most of your wedding. That's an outdated custom. Most couples today pay for their wedding.
What is your definition of "honeymoon"? Is it a week at a resort, or a night or two at a nice hotel or B&B? You can take a week later for your honeymoon. Since finances are tight, spend a couple of nights at a local hotel.
You and your fiance could consider a second job and save the money for the wedding and honeymoon. That's what financially-responsible mature adults would do.
What is your definition of "honeymoon"? Is it a week at a resort, or a night or two at a nice hotel or B&B? You can take a week later for your honeymoon. Since finances are tight, spend a couple of nights at a local hotel.
You and your fiance could consider a second job and save the money for the wedding and honeymoon. That's what financially-responsible mature adults would do.
2014-03-02 3:16 am
honeymoon, share the expenses..it's for the both of you..
2014-03-02 3:15 am
A honey moon is a good idea if you can manage it especially as you have never had sex before (good for you :)) so that you can take things slow if you need to however, it doesn't have to be expensive. if you are moving into a new house then you could have just as much fun honeymooning from home. if you are not or if you don't want to risk running into people you know if you go out and about then a holiday cottage (self catered) or a b & b can be a good way to go and cheaper than a hotel. with regards to whether your fiancee should pay that is probably something you should discuss together, without knowing their income and what they are spending on it is hard to give good advice. your wedding night is your wedding night no matter where you spend it and while it is nice to go away for your honeymoon, it is not impossible to make your wedding night and honeymoon special from home and save for a romantic holiday later.
2014-03-01 7:26 am
Well the whole honeymoon thing is for you and your love one to go off somewhere romantic and have fun and well... Do stuff. I think you should have him pay, or pay at least half. A wedding is something that happens probably (hopefully) once in a life, so you want it to be special :) in my opinion you should have a honeymoon :)
2014-03-01 7:17 am
I really think he should pay, at first I thought you were a guy so I though, " well paying is your job!" But now that I know you're a girl idk.
I do think however that when you marry it is no longer YOUR money it is also his money. What's his is yours and what's yours is his, granted I'm sixteen so my opinion is of a teenager (we all know how much experience a teenager has with life).
I do think however that when you marry it is no longer YOUR money it is also his money. What's his is yours and what's yours is his, granted I'm sixteen so my opinion is of a teenager (we all know how much experience a teenager has with life).
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