以下是我的大學自薦信,
麻煩各位幫手看看(1)夠不夠formal & (2)修改grammar
正确找到最多錯處得分!!!!!!!!!!!!
若能(3)美化文筆或(4)提出自薦信內容建議更佳!!
因為是英文,字數太多, 故分開兩個問題,
請大家幫忙看看上半部份吧!! (標題一樣)
(兩題共40分!!!!!!)
麻煩各位了 >.<
We won the silver price among hundreds of competitors, yet, the process means more to me. As the leader, I bore greater responsibilities and hence had a chance to learn more during the competition. At the very first beginning, to convince my group mates to follow my lead and to earn their trust, I had to show my ability and confidence; to minimize conflicts within group, I had to come up with different ways to communicate with different group mates during meetings; to raise the morale while depression, I had to list out our advantages and show them my confidence and trust in them by giving short speech. Also, negotiations with potential suppliers to talk on prices and quantity of resources were also needed, which has further improved my human skills.
One can only have good leadership skills when he has speaking skills. Being the vice chairlady of the school English Public Speaking Team and the school Debate Team, not only did I get the chance to develop my leadership skills by organizing various events like inter-class speech competitions and inter-school debates, but also chances to enhance my eloquence and speechcraft, which I believe to be useful in my career.
The investment on me may not seem as attractive as that on others, however, I believe I would be the “potential stock” which will bring immeasurable “returns”.
緊急!!!!! 20點改Grammar!!!!!!!
2014-02-07 12:54 am
回答 (3)
2014-02-07 2:21 am
✔ 最佳答案
We won the silver prize among hundreds of competitors, yet, the process means more to me. As the leader, I bore greater responsibilities and hence had a chance to learn more during the competition. At the very first beginning, to convince my group mates to follow my lead and to earn their trust, I had to show my ability and confidence; to minimize conflicts within group, I had to come up with different ways to communicate with different group mates during meetings; to raise the morale while depression, I had to list out our advantages and show them my confidence and trust them by giving short speeches. Also, negotiations with potential suppliers to talk on prices and quantities of resources were also needed, which have further improved my human skills.One can only have good leadership skills when he has speaking skills. Being the vice chairlady of the school English Public Speaking Team and the school Debate Team, not only did I get the chance to develop my leadership skills by organizing various events like inter-class speech competitions and inter-school debates, but also got the chances to enhance my eloquence and speechcraft, which I believe to be useful in my career.
The investment on me may not seem as attractive as that on others, however, I believe I would be the “potential stock” which will bring immeasurable “returns”.
2014-02-07 7:19 pm
We won the silver prize among hundreds of competitors, yet, the proceeding means more to me. As the leader, I ought to bear greater responsibilities and hence had the chance to learn more during the competition. Firstly, I had to convince my teammates to obey my leadership and follow my strategy so as to show my ability and confidence. Secondly, I had to come up with different ways to communicate with different teammates during meetings to minimize their conflicts within group. Thirdly, I had to list out our advantages and show them my belief and trust in them by giving short speech so as to raise the morale while they were in depression. In addition, negotiations with potential sponsors on donations and gifts are required for further support of raising funds,etc for prizes for future competitions.
As far as speaking skills being concerned, one can develop easily into good leadership skills. Being the vice chairlady of both the school English Public Speaking team and the school Debate Team, I have not only the chance to develop my leadership skills by organizing various events like inter-class speech competitions and inter-school debates, but also chances to enhance my eloquence and speech skill, which I believe to be useful in my career.
As to me that kind of work may not seem as attractive as that on others, however, I believe I would be the “potential candidate” who will bring immeasurable “returns”.
As far as speaking skills being concerned, one can develop easily into good leadership skills. Being the vice chairlady of both the school English Public Speaking team and the school Debate Team, I have not only the chance to develop my leadership skills by organizing various events like inter-class speech competitions and inter-school debates, but also chances to enhance my eloquence and speech skill, which I believe to be useful in my career.
As to me that kind of work may not seem as attractive as that on others, however, I believe I would be the “potential candidate” who will bring immeasurable “returns”.
參考: Partly according to ”The Advanced Learner's Dictionary of Current English with Chinese Translation” published by HongKong Oxford University Press in 1975
2014-02-07 7:02 am
We obtained the silver prize, beating hundreds of competitors, yet, the process means more to me. As the leader, I had to take up greater responsibilities and hence, drew a valuable lesson during the competition. At first, to convince my group mates to abide by guide and to earn their trust, I had to show my ability and confidence in this matter; to minimize conflicts within the group, I had to come up with different ways to communicate with different group mates during meetings; to raise the morale when encountering obstacles, I had to list out the advantages and show them my confidence and trust in them by giving short speeches. Also, negotiations with potential suppliers to talk on prices and quantity of resources were also needed, which has further broaden my horizons and learn more useful skills.
One can only have good leadership skills when he or she has persuasive speaking skills. Being the vice chairlady of the school English Public Speaking Team and the school Debate Team, not only did I get the chance to develop my leadership skills by organizing various events like inter-class speech competitions and inter-school debates, but also chances to enhance my eloquence and speechcraft, which I believe to be useful in my career.
The investment on me may not seem as attractive as that on others, however, I believe I would be the “potential stock” which will bring immeasurable “returns”.
One can only have good leadership skills when he or she has persuasive speaking skills. Being the vice chairlady of the school English Public Speaking Team and the school Debate Team, not only did I get the chance to develop my leadership skills by organizing various events like inter-class speech competitions and inter-school debates, but also chances to enhance my eloquence and speechcraft, which I believe to be useful in my career.
The investment on me may not seem as attractive as that on others, however, I believe I would be the “potential stock” which will bring immeasurable “returns”.
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