My life is a mess and yes, I know people have it worse and I am sounding like some whiny teenager. Basically I have been bullied since primary 1 (around age4/5, this was by the older P7s but was never too severe until I was about age 8) both physically and mentally. I had my so called friends turn on me, they'd call me names then as soon as I confided in a teacher they'd apologise and say it was a joke. Now if I ever have a friend it takes forever for me to actually open up and be myself. From this and bullying all the way through high school on top of obvious sister 'rivalry' and my parents now wanting me out of their life, I am now on medication for depression/anxiety. I had untreated depression for around 7 years and have been treated the past year. I recently turned 19 and I am in my second year of uni. I have been so stressed with everything I have been losing hair, breaking out, losing sleep... It's just ridiculous. My friend who I used to confide in just seems not to care anymore. She got a boyfriend last year and always finds time for him but never for me. When I do say anything to her, even a stupid complaint such as "Just spent ALL day cleaning shelves at work my legs and back are killing me!" (I had a back injury when I was younger so still plays up from time to time) she will respond with an "anything you can do I can do better" kind of comment. It is starting to piss me off! I have literally 2 friends including her and I was organizing a few drinks for my birthday, nothing special. Her response was "Sorry haven't seen my bf in a week, I can come for a couple of hours but then i'll be going". Yet if I can't make her party I get interrogated! I don't even know if she is my friend anymore, I get one word responses like "ok" "yeah". I don't even have the confidence to tell her how I am feeling and I obviously have trust issues and she knows this. I might be over reacting but I don't think I am. I hold onto people I know are no good for me mentally but I do that because they are my only friends. I just don't know what to do.
I would also like to build up my confidence and trust but how can I when stuff like this happens?
Sorry for the long paragraph, any help/suggestions would be appreciated
更新1:
Learn emotional intelligence? Seriously if it was that easy I'd see your point but its not. I hold myself together and put on a fake smile around people but when I am alone in my room or someone has pushed me over the edge exactly how can I control that? Emotion which has been building up so I don't let it out in inappropriate situations... I can't control that.
