求神人幫我睇下呢篇英文作文有無錯~！！

[不需要Today-因為會令人很混亂你是記錄過去的事還是現在(今天)的事]
On 24thSeptember, I went to [had是擁有-中文可能講作我有個活動要去…但注意動詞是「去」或「參加」而不是你「有了」這活動=英文的動詞go/attend/join/participate等等]a swimming gala with my schoolmates at Kowloon Tsai Park Swimming Pool. The weather was hot. I went to the swimming pool by MTR.
[We had錯:看上面解釋-你是用中文講法來寫-個開幕禮不是你的！多注意自己構思句子講法時這習慣 – 除非你用主辦單位的身份寫這記錄才可以用we…]
The opening ceremony was at 8:15a.m. . I enjoyed the raising of school flag [hoisting是掛上/掛在-升旗是有一個特定詞語的-平時你掛海報或大型的模型才會用hoist-這字指用起重機，一般的吊東西只會用hang. – 除了學多些vocabulary外，亦要留意它們本身的應用對象]because the St. John Ambulance Brigade were very imposing.
After the opening ceremony, we started the swimming competition. I didn’t join any swimming event because I didn’t know how to swim. [明顯haven’t是中文「”沒有”參加的錯用- didn’t才是相應動詞的join的本質用法-不是你有沒有join而是你是不是join了；learn亦是用中文構思句子-思想邏輯是你沒參加是因為本身不懂游泳-不是你沒有學游泳；這是講述邏輯的問題-不是英文文法錯」Although I did’t join any event but I cheered for my house and my friends. I shouted our slogan loudly. I also shook my cheering bottle.
At about 4:00 p.m., the swimming gala ended. I felt happy and delighted because my house got some prizes. Although our club[house和club是否同一樣?為何前後要用不同的字令人混亂呢?如果不是可能要加多一點資料這是甚麼club] did not take the champion of the cheer-leading squad, the department[這是甚麼意思?這字是部門是,死物-何來領奬？你想講社的人？member] of our house also takes a few swimming prizes. I learnt a lot of things during the swimming gala. I learnt how to work as one and never give up. [everytime我估這字你想講「每一次」吧-但英文不用everytime作意念性(例如give up)這類的表達-只會用於每次做實際的事-never一詞已經包括每一次=所有/永遠-這才是真正英文]

[留意你漏了幾個past tense的動詞-這些基本功可以自己練習複看改正]

Today is 24thSeptember. I had a swimming gala with my schoolmates at Kowloon Tsai Park Swimming Pool. The weather was too hot that I went to the swimming pool by MTR.
We had the opening ceremony at 8:15a.m. . I am very enjoyed the hoisting of school flag because the St. John Ambulance Brigade was very imposing.
After the opening ceremony, we started the swimming competition. I didn't joined any swimming event because I dont know how to swim. Although I haven't joined any events but I cheered for my house and my friends loudly and I also shook my cheering bottle during the competition.
At about 4:00 p.m., the swimming gala end. I felt happy and delighted because my house got some prizes. Although our club did not take the champion of the cheer-leading squad, the department our house also takes a few swimming prizes. I learnt a lot of things during the swimming gala. I learnt how to work as one and can't give up.