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似乎你主要係問逗號(comma)插句的寫法，你的例句其實已經示範了很多甚至是複雜的句組方式，唔明係合理的，因為這些插入的附加表述或註解寫法變化是無窮的，假如是讀句只能多用意會，不用太著意要把結構拆解(除非你跟寫這句的人的能力一樣高)，主要要留意是句中的主角(主詞)是誰/甚麼-有時會改變的...才會看得明白。

1. Every diligent student，including myself，likes being praised by others., including myself,的用意是利用主句Every diligent student likes being praised by others.這句意「所有人(勤力的學生)都會喜歡被稱讚」這所有人都會認同的感覺來表達自己的心意：「我也是很希望被人稱讚…因為我認為我也是”勤力的”」，這是寫作的技巧。2. Their profits are enough to allow some of the elite to accure fortunes that，were
they more public，would put them on global rich lists。主句是Their profits are enough to allow some of the elite to accure fortunes that would put them on global rich lists。全句不詳解了，大意是他們賺錢夠多便可以上世界富豪榜。were they more public是一種反詰式的子句，當中暗藏if they were more public的意思。是較為高深的寫法。技術上太複雜了，不能在這裏詳解。初步認住這種were xxx / were xxx not寫法 = if xxx were 如何如何的假設性意思。由於主句是講事實/實際情況，而作者加插的是假設性可能的意見或提議，便會這樣夾在逗號中。3.Harry，taking his book，went to school。主句是Harry went to school.這是講述或記敘的句子，當你想附加一些描寫或形容Harry去返學的情況-無論是他「拿著書」或是「坐甚麼交通工具」或是「他與甚麼人(女朋友)一起上學」等等，便會以這逗號加插句在中間依附在Harry這主角身後。Harry, taking the bus, went to school. [不太好的句法，只是示範] – 正確寫法是Harry took the bus to school.Harry, holding hands with his girlfriend, went to school. 手拖手返學去等等都可以這樣 – 是否合適的內容則要另考慮了。 這句法還有一點細微的考慮，逗號內的描述是想把重點由返學轉移至這加插的部份。例句突出他拿著(了)書…可能跟後面講/繼續的情節有關。4.Finally，however，his friend persuaded him that it was very save (and) Mr.johnson boarded the plane.平常講述一件事便是Finally his friend….加插however便一定是反面「卻是」的意思，這句的用意可能是指Mr. Johnson一直都不能被說服，但是今次他的朋友「卻」最終能說服他。寫法上加強調這「卻」或「不同」的情況。不是單調地說「他最終被說服了」而是給讀者感覺「他卻是最終被說服了」。中文較少這種多重加插的寫法，但英文很多時會用這技巧來寫。另外save應該是safe(安全)吧and …的連接法意思是前述的是解釋Mr. Johnson的朋友最終說服他坐飛機是安全的…所以或者因此(so)…你的理解可以說是對，但表達上這句是想強調或突出結果的行動而不是講理論/思想上的跟遊說的關係，說明Mr. Johnson是同時的行動。 5.Growing up not having much practise in this pattern of interaction ，when bombarded by small talk in the new environment，we simply do not possess sufficient skills to deal with it. 原來可以insert就是要附加表達…只要插句的句式文法依從配合主句的主詞/主角便是形容句了。

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