Nowadays, the economy in Hong Kong developing fast, people can get high education. Graduates hope that they can get good job which including high pay, short working hours and lots of holidays. That way, they can earn much money and improve their live quality. Moreover, they have much time to enjoy themselves and reduce their stress. These reasons cause them to choose high pay, short working hours and lots of holidays job.
High pay job is the most attracted by them. Graduates can earn much money and improve their lives quality. For example, mobile phone is more and more popular now. They can buy it with their wages. Apart from that, high inflation is serious in Hong Kong. Even if they working hard, they still have not enough money to buy what they want. Furthermore, graduates are only 20 years old but their mother and father are old. So, they need to earn more money and take care for them. So, high pay job is the most graduates wants to choose for.
Another standard for most graduates to find the job is short-working hours. In their experience, most of no care by his/her parents as working to earn money when they are young. They are afraid their daughter or son without mother and father care. Moreover, they are most opportunity to find a good job too as they young, fast reaction. What is also worth stating is that they are good spirit and hard-working than middle-aged or elderly. So, they let his/her children have care by his/her mother or father. They are is necessary to find a job which is short-working hours . Therefore, short-working hours job is another graduates want to choose for.
Then, more graduates want to choose lots of holiday. As same as above, they need time to keep company with their friends and family to enjoy the holidays atmosphere. Some people have their personal thing to do in holidays, for example, Ching Ming Festival for worship, Tuen Ng Festival for climb Dragon Boat. Without lots of holidays can’t satisfactory to them.
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2013-08-04 6:13 am
回答 (4)
2013-08-04 9:33 am
✔ 最佳答案
有幾點看法：經常分不清楚一個字的 part of speech，例如 full of enthusiastic 應該是 full of enthusiasm，enthusiastic 是形容詞、enthusiasm 才是名詞。建議你每學一個新字時，check 下每種詞性的寫法。你的句子經常會錯 basic grammar，像是 ing 和 bare infinitive，如 Bad environment lets you not feel well，不是 feeling well，let 後面用 bare infinitive；bad environment 是 singular，let 應該要 s。改善方法是多做練習，記熟它，直接點講一句，這些真的是 basic grammar，作為高中生不應該錯。有很多「細節位」你是錯了的，比方說，應該是 it is embarrassing to make a resignation 而非 embarrassed，embarrassing 是「令人尷尬」、embarrassed 是「感到尷尬」；還有，For example 後面如果不是 SVO 句，如 noisy or dirty environment，它就不能獨立成句，要寫成：Bad environment, for example, noisy or dirty environment, lets you not feel well.；last but not least，不是 lease。尚有很多細節上的錯誤，一個還可以，但你累積太多啦，真的扣死 language 分。改善方法是靠 trial and error，錯一次下次不要錯。題目叫你講自己的想法，但你竟用了五分之三的篇幅去寫 graduates 的想法，很明顯已經比例嚴重失衡了，其實開頭 graduate 想法你應該要濃縮成一至兩段，始終只是一些背景資料而已，你的想法起碼要佔五分之三以上，否則 content 分就 ......Conclusion，最尾為何無端端叫人 you should think twice of it，這篇是關於你的想法，不是什麼指導文章啊，刪掉它吧。組織不錯，雖然比例失衡了，但有很清楚地分三點寫。
我覺得你真的要打好文法基礎，兼多逼自己寫多些自己的想法（簡單來說就是要學識「吹水」），否則就算你開頭有甚麼好結構、好 point，你都會被 content 和 language 狂拉低分。還有，看 TIME、Economist 這些雜誌吧，雖然可能比較難啦，但是他們簡潔的用字和邏輯應對你大有幫助（個人覺得你睇南華早報未必咁有用）。
希望幫到你。
2013-08-04 01:36:29 補充：
建議你買本 proofreading 同 open cloze 練習做下，從錯誤中學習。
參考: 自己
2013-08-05 10:25 pm
Nowadays, the economy in Hong Kong is developing fast, people can get higher/territary education. Graduates hope that they can get good jobs which ... That way, ...improve their living quality. Moreover, they ... reduce their stresses. These reasons cause them to choose high pay, short working hours and lots of holidays jobs. [內容重覆!]
High paying job is the most attractive by them. Graduates can earn much money and improve their living quality. ...They can buy it with only a fraction of their wages. Apart from that [用連片語但前後文連接無關係 – 前段是能有錢買…後文是唔夠錢買 = 自相予盾], high inflation is serious in Hong Kong. Even if they working hard, they still do not have enough money to buy what they want. Furthermore, graduates ... take care of them. So, high paying job is the most graduates wants to choose for. [High pay job是港式英語]
Another criteria [英語人不會用中文「標準」表示選擇的要求] for most graduates .... They [前句的主角是graduates而不是parents(parents是by的被動人) 唔可以直用pronoun代表parents] are ..., they are most opportunity to find a good job too as they young, fast reaction. What is also worth stating is that they are of good spirit .... So, they ....They (are is) necessary ... . . [“they”似乎不斷隔句便由畢業生變成父母又變回畢業生 – 全錯]... [全段似乎在寫中文=英語人唔會明=唔識改!只mark錯字詞]
Then, ... choose jobs with lots of holiday. Same as above, ... . Some people have their personal thing [中文]to do in holidays, for example, Ching Ming Festival for worship, Tuen Ng Festival for climb[扒=划; 唔係爬] Dragon Boat. Without lots of holidays can’t satisfactory[錯字(詞性)] to them.[中文寫法 = 英文寫法: They cannot be satisfied without a lot of holidays.] …後段大致錯處相若(每句都有錯)。英語作文不是把一堆英文字(意思)堆砌在一起…認真多看別作文的文理和句式…遇到想表達的意思而沒有識寫的句子便是你學識英文的入門。不要自創英語詞彙和句法已經可以使你被扣少些。
High paying job is the most attractive by them. Graduates can earn much money and improve their living quality. ...They can buy it with only a fraction of their wages. Apart from that [用連片語但前後文連接無關係 – 前段是能有錢買…後文是唔夠錢買 = 自相予盾], high inflation is serious in Hong Kong. Even if they working hard, they still do not have enough money to buy what they want. Furthermore, graduates ... take care of them. So, high paying job is the most graduates wants to choose for. [High pay job是港式英語]
Another criteria [英語人不會用中文「標準」表示選擇的要求] for most graduates .... They [前句的主角是graduates而不是parents(parents是by的被動人) 唔可以直用pronoun代表parents] are ..., they are most opportunity to find a good job too as they young, fast reaction. What is also worth stating is that they are of good spirit .... So, they ....They (are is) necessary ... . . [“they”似乎不斷隔句便由畢業生變成父母又變回畢業生 – 全錯]... [全段似乎在寫中文=英語人唔會明=唔識改!只mark錯字詞]
Then, ... choose jobs with lots of holiday. Same as above, ... . Some people have their personal thing [中文]to do in holidays, for example, Ching Ming Festival for worship, Tuen Ng Festival for climb[扒=划; 唔係爬] Dragon Boat. Without lots of holidays can’t satisfactory[錯字(詞性)] to them.[中文寫法 = 英文寫法: They cannot be satisfied without a lot of holidays.] …後段大致錯處相若(每句都有錯)。英語作文不是把一堆英文字(意思)堆砌在一起…認真多看別作文的文理和句式…遇到想表達的意思而沒有識寫的句子便是你學識英文的入門。不要自創英語詞彙和句法已經可以使你被扣少些。
2013-08-05 2:21 am
I agree with "望月一都" in most of the cases except:
1. This topic is possible to be written as a third person. In this case, you are fine.
2. In this essay, there are several Chinese-English phrases. Read it out loud and you should be able to find it.
2013-08-04 18:22:12 補充：
3. SCMP is not a bad newspaper. Time and Economist, sometimes, are too complicated.
Basically, read something that you can handle.
1. This topic is possible to be written as a third person. In this case, you are fine.
2. In this essay, there are several Chinese-English phrases. Read it out loud and you should be able to find it.
2013-08-04 18:22:12 補充：
3. SCMP is not a bad newspaper. Time and Economist, sometimes, are too complicated.
Basically, read something that you can handle.
2013-08-04 6:28 am
我個人就覺很好，如果交給你的老師，我想她也會like
收錄日期: 2021-04-11 19:54:16
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130803000051KK00317