有關tense的問題

Tense黎講唔可以話你錯, 只可以話奇怪, 例如第一句你重點係要聽日還錢, 之後再講原因, 但係你就將個tomorrow放係後面。睇係睇得明, 但係就怪。
同埋你同sam既關係係乜? 係好友之間的提醒還是formal地出通知?

好友:

Dear Sam,

Do you still remember I have borrowed $1000 to you on 14 June, 2013? Please return the money to me on or before 1 July, 2013.

You may call me via (phone no) if you have questions. Thanks.

Best wishes,
Chris Wong
---------------------------------
Formal Letter:

Dear Sam

I would like to have your attention that you need to return $1000, which you borrowed from me on 14 June, 2013, to me on or before 1 July, 2013.

If you have any problem, please kindly dial (phone no) to contact me. Thanks.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong
---------------------------------
I have borrowed $1000 from Sam.
呢個係你對第3者陳述你借錢比sam. 如果你要係信直接咁樣對sam講, 咁寫係唔恰當的。
另外, 借出係borrow $1000 to Sam 或者Sam borrowed $1000 from me.
你咁講你同sam既角色咪掉轉左你要還錢比sam.

【我不是來挑機的，Ling 姐，但對你的改善版忍不住有點意見】

首先，repay for X 其實是指「就 X 報恩」，所以你這裡用 repay for 有點怪，就這樣 repay 已足夠了。

第二，這裡 problem 要 plural，即 if you have any problems。

第三，please call me at XXX 就可以了，call 已表達了打電話的意思，另外 telephone XXX 有點 chinglish （請打我電話 XXXX）

2013-07-16 22:30:29 補充：
第四，通常是用 problems 【in】XX 表達「XX方面有問題」，你這裏用 problems to repay me on July 1 我第一眼以為是「要在7月1日償還給我的問題」的意思。

個人意見：Jenkin 大大的答案比較好。

2013-07-16 22:34:50 補充：
Chan：
用present perfect tense是可以的，因為借錢前後只是幾天的時間，而且你已經借了錢給Sam。另外，應該是 lent 而不是 borrowed，lent 是「借錢給人」，borrowed 是「問人借錢」。

Dear Sam,
You will need to return the one thousand dollars that I have lent you
tomorrow. If you have any problems, you can contact me at xxxxxxxxxxx.

Yours sincerely,

xxxxx


Grammatically correct but could rewrite it in better English.


Dear Sam,

Please kindly be reminded to repay me for HK$1,000 that you borrowed on 14 June.

If you have any problem to repay me on 1 July, please call me at telephone xxxx.

Thanks and best regards,
xxxxxx

只講tense基本上冇錯，不過句式中tomorrow欠了前置詞by...
另外句法上用you will...這種命令式句雖然文法上冇錯，是指令...唔係提醒...
當然欠債還錢係公道之言，不過可以改一點寫法上溫和少少
還有是附加的一句if you have any problem...則不是追還錢...而係給他製造籍口唔還..你都話明「如果我有難處才找你...」解釋...

最後追收錢還用sincerely就真係好有禮貌的債主...

Dear Sam,

With regard to the $1000 I have lent you on 14 Jun 2013, this is to remind you to make you pay-back by 1 July 2013 as agreed. [假設你們事前協議了還錢日]

Regards,

XXX