請各位評一評我的作文

Dear Peter,

How are you? I haven’t seen you for a long time. I miss you a lot! Hope you're doing fine.

Well, I've just finished an exam yesterday, so it's now time for me to relax. Like last year, I will join a sport camp again. But this time, the camp is a bit different from that I joined last year. The two-week-long camp this time provides more ways to learn English. For example, one could learn real English through playing sports there, such as running, high jump, cycling and hiking. I know you like sports and English. So, I think you will love it and would like to invite you to join me.

Joining summer sport camps is an amazing experience. As I joined a summer sport camp last year, perhaps I can tell you my experience there so that you can have more information in mind before deciding whether to join me or not.

Last year, before joining the camp, I knew I would be participating in my school's high jump competition three months after the camp. So I decided to join the camp to train myself for the competition.

In the camp, I met many great people. One of them was Tony, a friendly guy from Britain talented in every kind of sports. I asked him how to do better in the competition and he explained patiently to me the things I should pay attention to in preparing for the competition. I really learned a lot about sports, as well as English, from him. Another person I met is Andy, a very handsome guy as talented as Tony in sports. Sometimes, Andy would share with me about the basic skills in sports, which I find very useful, as they not only prepared me well physically and mentally for the camp, but also the competitions. Andy also taught me cycling which was totally new to me. Before that, despite my endeavours, I could not learn cycling well. However, Andy was very patient and practised cycling with me to give me encouragement. Finally, thanks to Andy, I learned cycling!




2013-07-06 17:43:43 補充：
之後請看意見

2013-07-06 17:44:26 補充：
So you see, joining a sport camp would let you meet many talented athletes. I heard that you were doing some sports training. So maybe it would be good for you to join the sport camp this summer with me - you can get much good advice from others.

The activities in the camp were also both exciting

2013-07-06 17:45:15 補充：
and meaningful. Say, there was a relay race in which every group was striving to win. It gave me a good chance to enhance my persistence and group cooperation skills. Moreover, in the camp, I had to wake up early and washed my clothes, providing me an opportunity to boost my self-management skills.

2013-07-06 17:45:45 補充：
In fact, after the camp, I found myself more hardworking and not giving up as easily as before. I was even praised by my sports teacher at school for that. You could learn loads of things that are equally useful in and outside sports. After the summer, we would graduate and might work soon. Therefo

2013-07-06 17:46:08 補充：
re, why not join the camp this summer to give yourself a chance to better equip yourself for those?

The summer holiday is very long. It would be deadly boring to stay home and review homework all the time. Joining the camp could give you a chance to relax, which may even help your study.

In short,

2013-07-06 17:46:32 補充：
the sport camp could widen your horizon, and allow you to make more friends, learn different things like sports skills, being self-disciplined, and of course, English. You would surely benefit a lot from the camp.

Hope that my experience would be useful for you in deciding whether to join me or not

2013-07-06 17:47:18 補充：
I'm really looking forward to participating in the sport camp this summer with you. But anyway, don't feel pressured to join me if you can't really join the camp. I would respect your decision.

Have a good summer, and write back soon!

Best wishes,
Candy

2013-07-06 17:54:32 補充：
內容尚算齊全，但你漏了在你的經歷中提及「學英文」。組織和過渡還需要努力，中間的條理頗為亂（所以改了很多）。我差點以為 Tony 是 sports teacher，最好講清楚一點，描寫略嫌未夠仔細。結尾不夠圓滿。還有，不需要 title。

2013-07-07 02:47:35 補充：
其實 running 跟 high jump 分別是指「跑步」和「跳高」兩種運動。
Running 是個 gerund，可當成一般的 noun 用；而high jump 則是一般的 noun。它們不是動詞哦，在這句中只是作為sports的例子，以舉例有甚麼 sports 可玩來學英文。

2013-07-07 19:26:17 補充：
跑步的動詞：普通的 run。
跳高的動詞：high jump，用法其實跟 jump 這個普通的動詞一樣，只是前面加了 high 來表示跳高。

2013-07-08 02:43:44 補充：
不過 high jump 這個動詞感覺有點不 formal，英文中其實沒有一個動詞是直接指跳高的。

2013-08-12 21:18:05 補充：
用 you 其實文法上沒錯的。
用 yourself 主要是因為語氣問題，you 是指「你」、yourself 是指「你自己」，因此用 yourself 就聽起來比較「人性化，有感情一點」

To 望月一都


Therefore, why not join the camp this summer to give yourself a chance to better equip yourself for those?

其實yourself可否用you來代替呢?

2013-08-07 17:56:10 補充：
係第一個yourself

---"Learning English Sports Communication"---should be "The sports camp (2012).----
email:-How are you? Hanen't see you for a long time. I miss you a lot. Doing fine.
--I had finished exam. one day ago-the time to relax. I'll join another sports camp soon. This camp provides more approach for me to learn English; sports for running, high jump, cycling and hiking. I know you like sport and English; so I think you'll love to join me !
--I havejoined summer sport camp once (=for 1 time.)Behaving perfectly well,sport teacher praised me for hardworking and not to give up easily. Let's recollect last summer camp. When teacher called us to do high jump, the performance by Tony on running and high-jump were very fast and high.
--I shall have been participating high jump competition in intra-school 3 months later since one year ago. (OR:- One year ago, I knew I would be participating in the intra-school high jump competition 3 months later.)
--Andy's sport skill was worthwhile to learn.Joining the camp had made me perfect both in physical and mental.
--At the relay race competition, I had to run fast enough to win.It gave me a good training not to give up in group co-operation. A cycling training being difficult, I failed because my spirit willing, my flesh weaken. After teaching cycling by Andy, I learned due to good behaviour on persistence and patience.
--(This 2013-2014 yr. summer camp will also provide these games too for Peter.Putting the sentence here would be illogical?)
-- I have learned self-discipline for two weeks. After getting up early, washing clothes, joining the assemble groups, I was perpared to face my future job with confidence and faith.
--Staying at home reviewing homework would be boring.Joining activity can widen my horizon, make more friends, learning sport skills, training self-discipline for my future job, and English.However you'll learnt more!
---An email please.

有好多字都可以刪除的， 例如well， a......等等！看多點書吧， 會有改善的哦！