請指出文章的改善之處

Hong Kong has been famous for being the 'Shopping Paradise'. One of its tourist spots, the Temple Street, is a market where many different kinds of cheap food are sold to visitors and local people.

In this market, traditional decoration is maintained. There are stalls selling jade bracelets, as well as those of fortune-tellers providing palm-reading services that appeal to the elderly a lot. While these stalls of the Temple Street make it look like an ‘elderly market’, the other stalls there selling street snacks, or in other words, the Hong Kong traditional food, make it look like a big street restaurant. Many elderly people and children go there to enjoy the atmosphere of traditional local restaurants.

Now, although Hong Kong has become a big, international financial center where many new and unique restaurants could be found, the Temple Street still remains what it was used to be in the age of the old Hong Kong, keeping our memories of the traditional street food and things alive, and giving local people and visitors an opportunity to feel the old Hong Kong market.

看到的幾點：
文法要再加把勁，例如有時 the market 明明是單數，動詞卻用了 plural form；漏 article；詞性用錯等。

有時你想表達一些複雜的意思時，會有點詞不達意，寫得有點怪，跟前部分脫節，如 Moreover, it sell jade bracelets, fortune-tellers, palm-reading which suitable for elderly to buy.
fortune-tellers 是人，不是像 jade bracelets 般是能賣的貨品，故不能寫得像前面 sell jade bracelets 般。

最後，文理不夠通順，例如 These parts of the markets are look like ‘elderly market’ 和之後的 Another part of the Temple Street 其實可以接合起來，做一個意思上的過渡。

多讀多寫，操好文法是改善作文的不二法門，沒有捷徑。

希望幫到你。


2013-07-04 21:14:02 補充：
還有，你只寫了其中一張 photo（題目說有兩張 photos，每張一個 title），另一篇呢？你 photos 的網址好像死掉了？

2013-07-04 22:23:45 補充：
另外，你爆字數了，會扣分的。

2013-07-04 22:27:57 補充：
我估你個寫作 grade 大概係 4 頭 5 尾。

2013-07-05 02:13:36 補充：
除了文法，建議你也可以看看一般的用字配搭，你的文章中有時用字上我明白你的意思，文法沒錯，卻寫得不自然。

2013-07-05 02:17:15 補充：
不過結構組織上我覺得不錯，有開頭和總結，中間有分開兩部分來寫，有層次感。如果不是礙於字數，內容可更豐富一些，再形容得仔細一些。

2013-07-05 11:15:09 補充：
不能，因there 的意思是in the Temple Street，where 不能替代。再者，selling street snacks 是 participles 而非relative clause。

Title: An old Hong Kong Market

Hong Kong is famous for being a 'Shopping Paradise'. ….[這裏中間好像需要加插如何由shopping paradise這名當帶入講廟街-我想你是認為是shopping paradise中的特色之最吧-留意你寫廟街的內容是否讓人聯想到購物「天堂」還是像「老土」(老舊本土)-內容沒有寫錯而是全文前後(起承轉合)的意識/感覺不協調(看下面備註)] Temple Street is a market where cheap and many choices of food are sold to visitors and local people.[應用被動語態更像英語對一個死物(市場)的形容方式, it sell是錯的文理(注意邏輯上「一個街市/市場是不能賣東西的」] In this market, it maintains traditional decoration. Moreover, elderly people like to buy jade bracelets, seek for fortune-tellers or palm-reading there. This part(or section) of the market[] [] look like ‘elderly market’. Another part(or section) of the Temple Street has street food, which are Hong Kong traditional local food, that [] looks like lines of open-top restaurant. [不太肯定如何描述似乎你是所謂的「大街/大牌檔」?但big street…則沒有英文人會懂你在說甚麼] Many of the elderly and children go there and enjoy the atmosphere of local traditional cooking. [這句只是改正文法意思] Now, Hong Kong has become a big[不需逗號] international financial center that has new and unique restaurants all over town. Temple Street still maintains having its old tradition, past-time entertainment, street food and things for us. It gives local people and visitors to see and experience an old Hong Kong market. 備註：內容關於廟街還有很多精彩的東西沒寫出來，例如有唱粵曲的檔攤又有唱時代曲的歌舞廳，鄰近還有玉器市場，當中的除了「街食」外亦有煲仔飯或打邊爐(hot pot xx 和 hot pot yy)，亦有酒店式的café店等等餐廳。但留意描述market在英語人眼中是賣新鮮食物的地方，而主要不是熟食或賣日用品和首飾的地方，所以應該先定義或介紹你所說的香港market的結構是甚麼，old的market又跟現代(日常)的market又有甚麼分別；然後才進入介紹一個特色例子Temple Street。 你老師給你3-4已經好鬆手，回到第一步留意題目是說介紹你的攝影內容特色，但你的文章一句都沒有講到你拍攝了甚麼(應該是寫你的兩張照片的內容)。

另一張photo 在下一篇問題頁內。

2013-07-05 09:43:43 補充：
我想問望月一都

the other stalls there selling street snacks

中間there應否是用'where'來代替。