平頂作業風險增加 翻譯成英文

[The] REBA was used to [measure the level of risk laborers’ faulty working posture]. [After that,] [an] statistical analysis was conducted. The result showed that the level of risk obviously went high [while] steel fixers were working on the ground, [building scaffolds] [or] dissembling scaffolds[;] [while] water electricians were doing piping work [or] plumbing work[;] and [while] painters [were] working on scaffolds.


1. REBA 前面應該加 the，因為它是個專有名詞。

2. After that 這連接詞可令整個步驟讀起更有時序，用 an 是因為跟 REBA 比起來，statistical analysis 不算是很專有的名詞。

3. 我覺得用 measure the level of risk of laborers’ faulty working postures 會較好，因為能對應後面 result showed that the level of risk，較易明白。而用 measure （量度）在這些量化的結果會較好。

4. 建議用 ; 代替 ,，有種分隔排比的作用，讀起也更清楚。這樣最好 painters 後加 were，好讓 structure 更連貫。

5. 用字方面，我覺得 when 好像不太適合，因為後面都是 were working ，用 while 會比較好？
另外，steel fixers were working on the ground, carrying out scaffolding work and dissembling scaffolds，我覺得要用 or 來代替 and ，因為 and 其實暗示了當 steel fixers 同時做這三件事時 risk 才會 went high。
最後 scaffolding work 好像已包括了 carrying out dissembling scaffolds，所以前面要是指建棚架的話，我覺得用 building scaffolds 會好些。


希望幫到你！

2013-06-03 02:20:17 補充：
(...) [or] [while] painters [were] working on scaffolds

建議最後的 and 變成 or，原因同上。

REBA method results and statistical analysis of recorded labour poor postureResults found: steel construction full floor frame Assembly and disassembly operationsWater electrical piping job painter flat top job levels are significantly increased risk