急急急係咪有得幫手改我篇文(易)

This book is talked about a girl called Lily, who lived in the great vconcrete
jungle of Hong Kong with Uncle Lam and Aunt May. May was uncle 's wife.
Their house was small for expensive money. There were four walls and a toilet
which made one room. This room contained a dirty cloth, a table, three or four
chairs and beds. When they went out for one day walked at Hong Kong Park,
they were happy. They saw many animals such as dogs and birds. Finally the
story ended happily. They knew wildlife's good things and bad things.

hope I can help you

This book talked about Lily, a girl who lived in the great concrete jungle of Hong Kong withUncle Lam and Aunt May. Their house wassmall whencompared to the money they had paid. There were four walls, atoilet, anda room inside this house. The room contains a dirty cloth, a table, three to four chairs, and the beds. They were happy when they took a walk inthe Hong Kong Park one day. They saw many animals like dogs and birds, and learnt about the good things and badthings of the wildlife. The story has a happy ending.

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The book was about a girl named Lily who lived in a concrete jungle city, Hong Kong. She lived with Uncle Lam, and his wife, Aunt May. Though their house was small, it was expensive. There were four walls, a toilet and a room with dirty cloth, table, a few chairs and a bed. They went out for a walk in Hong Kong Park one day and felt happy about the visit. They saw a lot of animals such as dogs and birds. The ending was jolly and learnt of the positives and negatives of wild lives.

Personal advice:
1. elaborate more on the story
2. the description of the story is not organized enough
3. be careful with spellings

hopefully this will help