Thank you everyone for your reply. All suggestions are very helpful and I'll work on each one. Just trying to get through this "self-hate" part.
While I was growing up my dad was in the military. It was a bitter-sweet moments. I love traveling and seeing different places, but hated it because I had to adjust to a new school, meet new friends, etc. Plus as I was growing up, I was the unpopular person, I was teased, hated, etc... I have very little friends... I tired everything I could to have others like me. Even if it meant me being a "people pleaser" I've struggled with Major Depression most of my life as well as self-injury, eating disorders, and anxiety... I am seeing a therapist and a med dr. about it, but still feel useless on a lot of things. Just wanting to work on loving myself more. Maybe by then, I can get over a lot of the things I'm going through...
I'm 33, married, and a mother of 3 children