如題!已經持續咗差唔多1年,好辛苦!
我覺得好唔開心,但我又唔知我點解唔開心,感覺好煩!覺得自己好無用,明明好似無嘢煩,都會好唔開心。喺學校,d同學都會叫我開心d ;做service,有會有人叫我開心d,同人地玩,唔好淨係識企埋一邊!其實我都好想開心,但我就係唔知點解成日都唔開心,做service( 同小朋友玩 ) ,我明明都唔係唔鐘意佢地,但偏偏又融合唔到佢地!其他人都得,點解就係我唔得?
呢d都算,d所謂嘅好朋友,只係識得係覺得我有用處先理我,如果無用,hi 都唔hi聲!當佢地覺得孤單寂寞個時,就揾我,即使果時本來唔得閒,我都立刻放低所有嘢,陪佢先啦,佢地就從來都無諗過我都會寂寞,孤單!
算,呢d都算!最可憐嘅就係,我d成績係我所有朋友入面最差果個(其實我係whole form 入面已經係尾十幾)!差都算啦,d人都唔理我感受嘅!成日都係我面前講自己咩咩咩好差,比唔上人…但,真係差得過我?有無理下我感受?
我唔知點解,身邊有好多「有問題」嘅「好朋友」,社交焦慮症,抑鬱症,狂躁等等,除咗精神方面,身體方面都有,令都佢地都會覺得有d自卑,想做正常人,因為有d嘢佢地做唔到。但…我喺一個再正常不過嘅正常人,精神無問題,身體亦無問題,但我始終都做唔好d嘢!人地能力有問題做唔到以致做唔好就話姐,而我,能力無問題,就偏偏做唔好!佢地話自卑,其實我仲自卑,覺得自己好無用!
仲有,daddy, mummy 好煩,佢地每日返到屋企,第一時間唔係問我今日過成點,而係溫好書末,有咩嘢唔識要記低問補習姐姐,真係好煩,有無諗過我都好辛苦,比我透下得唔得?呢d都算,我出廳睇一陣電視,都唔比,又話我好得閒,喂,我成日睇電視5分鐘都無,都唔比?算啦,當佢緊張我,但佢地係咁偷睇我又點計?我十年都唔傾一次電話,一傾係廁所傾,佢竟然偷聽,比我捉到正一正,問佢做咩,竟然可以答去廁所,真係比我激死!仲要唔只一次,緊張我,都要比d私人空間我家!真係超唔開心!
點算?好煩! 我都好想人關心我,我成日都覺得無人關心我,我做緊咩,無人問,淨係識得駡,日日都比人話,做咩都唔岩! 我真係覺得好煩,好唔開心,真係好想自己係陶淵明,遠離世俗! 曾經有老師形容過我係林黛玉,成日唔開心,但我都唔想家,我都覺得好辛苦,好想喊!真係想死,做人真係好辛苦!點好?究竟我想點?
大家比d comment 啦!