Why do parents who say they love their children scream and holler at them all the time?

The truth is that screaming, hollering, insults and harsh constant punishments are not the way to raising good responsible children. It's logical. How do you feel when someone treats you that way? No one in their sound mind likes to me yelled at or treated with lack of respect. We usually get angry when someone treats us that way and that is exactly what happens when children are treated that way. They become angry and bitter with their parents and turn rebellious to try to show you that they don't like the way you are treating them. This reaction makes sense. Adults do it too. The screaming and anger method will never work. The bible says in Ephesians 4:31, 32: "Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all badness. But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you."

Kindness and compassion go a long way. We all like it when people try to understand our feelings and show compassion when we make mistakes. Try to treat your children that way. When you love your children and truly want to help them you will do your best to change if you must in order to win their love and respect. Punishments don't have to be physical and you never have to be abusive in your speech in order to correct your children. Try treating your children how you would like to be treated. There is an amazing book called, "The secret to family happiness" which covers all these subjects and more. You can ask any Jehovah's witness for it, it's free. You can also go to www.jw.org and they have a section especially for parents. Check it out, I think it will inspire you.

Totally agree what you said! Respect!

I've seen it many times a mother pulling, pushing, etc,etc a 3 4 year old and the child in self defense strikes back.
I have raised two children now 24 and 26 Never have hit either one yes sometimes they make stupid mistakes but one does better talking then beating it into them. Never did have any of this temper tantrums like gimme, gimme, trouble twos. One boy now going to school for a degree in international studies the other boy has a mental illness and pulled him from 1st year of high school because the kids tormented him so. The computer is his teacher, he has already gotten his GED and doing well.

You lose a child at 5 and at 16 you have a bully, etc and it shows in school now. Some of these kids bully kids to the point they commit suicide.

Shame what parents do to some of their kids and they haven't a clue.

Parents can have a lot of frustration and they do not know else to handle the situation. If this is happening to you with your parents just let them yell. Do not yell back. Ignore them and walk away Once they are done yelling speak to them calmly. This shows you are the bigger person and they will eventually admire you for handling the situation so well. This may also teach them that yelling is not effective. Parents are not perfect and they are people too. They are not perfect and make many mistakes.

Often parents are a product of their upbringing. You already know that, you are pretty wise. Besides frustration, a lot of parents don't know how to properly communicate. And also some yell and scream and don't even realize they are doing that. My husband will get a little ornery at times and I will ask him why he is ornery. He will say I am not but I will get ornery if you keep accusing me of it. Than he will go outside, deal with it and come back in with a better attitude.

I was raised in an abusive home. I was mentally, physically and sexually abused. I was told almost daily that I was so dumb and stupid and I'd never amount to anything. I went to sleep every night to the sound of my parents yelling at each other. We got spanked a lot and the spankings always left us black and blue. Often the spankings were on our bear butts, because we were made to remove our pants and underpants. They actually treated us kids better than their parents treated them.

As an adult I have done my best to never be like my parents were. I do not believe in punishment, I believe in consequences. I don't believe in treating children with yelling and anger. I believe in training and correcting. I believe in giving children choices and teaching them how to choose wisely.

I believe from the day a child is born it is the parents job to train them, teach them, and prepare them for life on their own as an adult. In most everything there is a lesson to be learned. Everything can be a chance to teach your child. A child should be raised in love, tenderness, gentleness, always being taught and a lot of tough love. Tough love being doing what is the best you can do for your child, even allowing them to make their own mistakes and learn from them, and often tough love is toughest on us parents because we never want to see them struggle or hurting, but if we don't let them go through it and not interfere in their learning, we end up hurting the child more.

They say a child lives what they are taught. I was taught anger, punshment, worthlessness, and hatred. I refuse to be what I was taught and feel there is a much better way to raise and teach our children.

That's because they are frustrated. It is better than doing worse things than screaming such as breaking a cup of coffee front of the child.
They do that because their raising didn't give any posittive reults to them, but if the child aplogize and promise not to repeat his mistakes, he will find the love that he wants.

Parents do not yell at their kids to show how mean they are. They aren't trying to make you feel bad. Parents do this out of love because they want their kids to grow up right and not have any trouble. You can find this in nature too. When a polar bear cub misbehaves, the mom has no trouble with bopping it on the head to show what he did was wrong. Same thing with parents. They aren't doing it because it's fun, because no parent wants to watch their child cry. They do it to show what you did was wrong and to correct the problem. Now if it starts to get physical, like repetitive slapping in the face, that's a whole different story. But my parents would occasionally paddle my butt if I misbehaved in a great manor.

It is called frustration and few parent would think that scream is showing love. Kids often purposely push their parents to the point of yelling. Kids often think the screaming is constant, when it really is not. Just what are these kids doing to cause their parent to yell and scream all the time?

You sound like a fairly mature child so if this is happening in your home, first sit down and carefully think about what children do to cause the bad behavior of the parents. Once you've figured that out, perhaps you can try to get the kids to stop doing these things and/or you sit down and talk to your parents and suggest other ways of handling the situation, like sticking to punishments and discussing the bad behavior with the child in an adult and calm manner.

they yell because they love you. discipline is one of the most important parts of being a parent. obviously not being abusive but you get what imtalking about

you are probably right, bring back spankings for kids that don't get the verbal punishment...