英文作文(兩篇挑錯2)

忠於你的本文，作最少的修改：
As a good Chinese saying goes,〝A friend in need is a friend indeed.〞
We always have troubles to solve, so we need somebody to give us a hand (1), right? Yet, are they (2) actually our friends? Aren't the strangers able to help as well (2a)?
Or, what should (3) we do if our friends are not around (4) when we need help ?
Because of the above points, our teachers and parents teach (5) us to help needy people.
When you help someone to solve a problem, he or she will help you back next time (6). A series of love and help can make the world (7) better.
I had been a volunteer (8) when I was a junior high school student. I helped organizing books at the library, checking in returned items, checking out borrowed items and placing books back onto the shelves (9).
Although it was a tiring job, I was happy (10).
I think everyone living on this planet (11) should help one another so as (12) to fill (13) the world with happiness.

(1) ONE Hand 於文法上不通
(2) 避免把BUT放句子之首，多置於句子中間; 'is it' 像中文直譯「這」，建議指明人物
(2a) 'as well' 有「也是」之意，在此指「陌生人不是也 ...」
(3) 設問句應置 'should' 於 pronoun 'we' 之前
(4) 'around' - 在身邊之意較貼近你的意思，'not on your side' 有不幫／支持你之意
(5) 建議 'teach'
(6) 建議簡化本來句子
(7) 因有動詞 'make' 所以刪除 'be'
(8) 'I have ever done' 在此顯得奇怪，例：this is the stupidest thing I have ever done - 意指這是我有生而來做過最愚笨的事，想指「我曾經做過」I had done 已行
(9) 建議簡化本來句子
(10) Although 之後的句子同前句已有相反的 statement, 建議不用 'still' ，正如你不會用 'but' 一樣
(11) 'Globe' 也有球體之意，建議用 'planet'
(12) 'so as' 可令句子更完滿
(13) 已有動詞 'fill' 所以刪除 'make'

因為你一直都沒有回我啊 我擔心你一直都不會回我
我本來會選你的
真抱歉

　　As a good Chinese saying goes, "A friend in need is a friend indeed."
　　　　　　　　請大寫 孩子 (汗

We always have trouble to solve ,so we may need somebody to give us a
When troubles happen to us, 　　　　　　　 個人語感　　give 人a big hand (不宜用反身代n

hand, don't we? But is he or she actually our friend? Isn't it possible that
口語才宜使用right?　 　　你當他鬼? 　　　　　　　　　be able to是指"能力"可不可

the stranger came to help? Or if our friends are not on our side, what
原句≠"難道陌生人就不能幫嗎?"　　　　　　　　　　是on 而非in　直接問句請倒裝

should we do?

　　Our teachers and parents always tell us to help the needy. Take my

experience for example. When I was a junior high school student, I did a
本句可獨立，學起來!!　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　不用現在完成

lot of voluntary work, including one in the library. I helped the leader or-


ganize the books no matter if I took them to the exact places, or checked
　　　　　　　　　　　　小弟我很少看過no matter直接+子句....

all the books returned and borrowed were correctly. Although the work


was tiring, I still felt happy doing that.


　　When one has a problem and you help him or her, others will come


to your help when you are in need as well. To sum up, based on the above


point of view, I think everyone all over the world should help one another to


so that A series of love and help can make the world filled with happiness
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　filled with ≒ full of

and be better than before.




說明- (灰字是不要的，紅字為修改，藍字為說明)

1)
請避免中式英文寫法 (蠻多人都有這問題，但盡量改進~~
例如"難道陌生人就不能幫嗎?"
這「不能」是甚麼意思? 是說"你能不能" 還是"反問語氣"?
請思考遺下囉

2)
注意你的排版 (建議你先簡略打稿
因為你原文第二段說真的... 很糟糕 不適合擺在那
所以我重新洗牌了，丟在結尾

3)
注意你的結構
主題 → 對準主題講經驗OR論點 → 結尾
這我想...應該才是你要的

4)
記得片語使用
(補充意見)

5)
注意句型使用與採用
(補充役建)

以上
由於小弟是非專業的批改
所以~~~ 僅供參考
感謝 =))

2013-01-23 00:43:34 補充：
give 人 a hand
= do 人 a favor (口語)
= help 人
= come to one's help
= come to one's assistance/aid (較正式)

the needy = the needy (people)
adj的部分可以任意套

as well (常放句尾) = also (常句首、句中)
based on = according to = on the basis of
all over the world = from pole to pole
你原本要寫的 live算...贅字吧

2013-01-23 00:43:53 補充：
總之
to sum up = in sum
= to summarize = in summary
= to conclude = in conclusion
= all in all
= on the whole

簡言之
to be brief
= to make a long story short
= in a word

be filled with
= be full of (大約等於 但其實有差)
= brim with

2013-01-23 00:44:07 補充：
Take ... for example 就...來舉例好了
本為句型 可獨立 不用連接詞

S + V ~~~~ so that ~~~~~.
如此一來

2013-01-23 00:49:26 補充：
no matter if 無論是否 + 子句

其他類似的還有
no matter what ~~ = whatever
no matter who ~~ = whoever
no matter where ~~ = wherever
no matter how ~~ = however

注意!! however 除了這裡的用法
也可以在一般句型內當副詞使用 = nonetheless = nevertheless

2013-01-23 01:18:32 補充：
should help one another TO
後面那個TO 請自行"無視"

2013-01-27 22:14:43 補充：
我說過了 灰字就是不要
但我還是會批改

不過你還是選他人最佳解答
那就隨你了 懶得管了