請狠狠地批改英文作文一篇.感激

I am writing with reference to the proposal that advocates the removal of Physical Education. It is obvious that PE lesson is a compulsory subject at primary and secondary schools in Hong Kong since the beginning, which shows the importance and necessity to students. I will provide strong evidence and several reasons to prove that cutting PE lessons will do more harm than good.

Someone may say that Physical Education is irrelevant to academic performance and it is useless in helping student to attend university. While I see their point in believing that PE lesson may not help student on academic credits directly; however, extra-curricular activity has always been a consideration on admission to university nowadays. Student would get extra points as they have good achievement on inter-school competitions. Hence, Physical Education can provide an opportunity to discover student’s non-academic interests and potentials.

Removing PE lessons from the curriculums cannot help student to concentrate more on learning. The proposal insists that student will focus on academic subjects after removiing PE lessons, but this argument is invalid. There is no correlation that student will be good in study without PE lessons. Apart from the unreasonable sequitur, the allocation of PE lessons has been overstating. At secondary school, there are only 2 hours in a week for this lesson. How will those 2 hours [] make a change for student effectively for all the academic subjects? No one believes that it works at all. Thus, there is great doubt on the influence from the proposal.

2012-11-26 15:34:42 補充：
The most important to realize is that the existence of PE lessons make student better concentrated on study. Hundreds of thousands of students claim that the large amount of homework and long learning time bring [homework + learning time = plural] tremendous pressure.

2012-11-26 15:35:37 補充：
...physical workout...

作者词汇表达比较灵活多变，尤其是学术词汇使用较恰当；正确句子比例较高，适当增加复杂句的使用，文章会更出色；过渡词和衔接词使用不恰当，缺少组织，可适当增加连接词的使用。

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