英文文章的問題

這些是文法或表達上的錯誤：（行數包括隔空的）

Paragraph 3

1. 'Let me' begin 'with' (line 8)
2. The first reason is 'that' (line 8)
3. no → has (line 9)
4. The second reason is 'that' (line 11)
5. are 'increasing' (line 11)
6. high / low skill → high- / low- skilled (line 11-12)
7. greater → higher (line 12)
8. structure → structural (line 12)
9. Comparing to other countries, Hong Kong, as a free market, has much lower taxes. (line 13-14)
10. becomes → become (line 15)
11. 'the' rich / poor (line 16)

Paragraph 4

12. was increase → has increased (line 19)
13. increase → is increasing (line 21)
14. the United Nations regulations → regulations of the United Nations (line 22)
15. means 'that' (line 23)
16. need to solve quickly → need to be solved as soon as possible (line 24)

Paragraph 5

17. wealth inequality problem → this problem (line 26)
18. many things 'that' the government (line 27)
19. increasing allowance of the elderly (line 28)

Paragraph 6

20. offer 'more job opportunities' (line 30)
21. low skill → low- skilled (line 30)

Paragraph 7

22. to adjust → adjusting (line 34)
23. increase → incresing (line 34)

Paragraph 8

24. 'the' wealth gap (line 37)
25. could not be improved → is not improved (line 37-38)
26. might → may (line 38)
27. take action to it → take action on it (line 39)

另外，我建議你使用以下的詞句：

1. firstly / secondly / finally etc. ...
2. for... / in terms of ... etc. ... (describing different aspects)
3. I suggest / advise the government (verb + ing) ...
4. due to / since etc. (describing reasons)
5. however / nevertheless etc. (using as 'but')
6. consequently / thus / that's why etc. (describing results)

2012-09-19 16:23:07 補充：
不好意思，行數原來是打錯的，請不要理會它們，只需按照數字順序閱讀我指出的錯處，再核對文章就可以了。

2012-09-19 16:23:49 補充：
更正：

3. 'has' no complete retirement plan

Today I am going to talk about the problem of wealth inequality in Hong Kong.
I would try to classify it into three main factors. The first is the causes of wealth inequality. The second is the interpretation of the data. The last is the solution to wealth inequality problem.
Let's talk about the causes of wealth inequality. Firstly, Hong Kong's population is becoming aging. Because the government has no overall retirement plan to assist the aged generation and many old people only got low income. The second one is that the income of the upper class is increasing and the rate of it is greater than that of the low class. The third one is something concerned with the structure of taxation. As we all know that Hong Kong depends on free trades and as compared with other countries, the income tax in Hong Kong is quite low. Therefore, the upper class only need to pay little tax. With all three factors the gap between upper and low classes is becoming wider and wider.
The next one to ralk about is the interpretation of the data. According to the data of Gini coefficient form Census and Statistics Department, the Gini coefficient was increase from 0.533 in 2006 to 0.537 in 2011. It reflects that the wealth gap had been increasing continuously. In addition, according to the United Nations' regulations, when the Gini coefficient is above 0.5, it means the income disparity is very significant. It is certain that the situation of income inequality in Hong Kong is very serious and need to solve quickly.
Then, I want to talk about the solution to wealth inequality problem. There are many things the government should do. Fristly, the government should improve the retirement plan, i.e. increase the old age allowance. Secondly, the government should offer some positions to low class with the wages which is above the law of the minimum wage. Thirdly, the government should increase the minimum wage. Lastly, the government should consider to adjust the tax structure, i.e.increase the progressive taxation.