小學英文作文.可以俾D意見??- -

內容make sense
grammar:
(1) 唔好寫 "Something like xxx,..."+唔好用省略號
---> There are many famous people in the world, such as movie stars, presidents, scientists and others with different talents.
(2) But I only have one idol in my life -- my father.
(3) We couldn't afford any... ( 否定句)
(4) made some handmade things 累贅, 改為But my father used to make us many toys with his own hands.
(5)I didn't go to school because we had not had enough money to pay for my education until I was ten.
(6) I know that he felt/feels upset with that from time to time.
(7) these was ---> That/This was//These/Those were
(8) He taught me how to ride a bicycle and (how to) play basketball.
(9) story--->stories
(10) had learnt
(11) I very much appreciated him.
(12) All these(things) were
*唔使用過多"And..." 只要你寫野0岩logic, 就算冇連接詞讀者會明個flow.
我覺得,作文可以作大d。可以將一件刻骨銘心的事/物/說話放大,貫穿全文。"idol"呢個字有d小學雞feel,題目可轉為"the most influential person of my life",
唔好介意我將你嘅內容加鹽加醋:

My Father

I was born in a poor family. Not until the age of ten did I have the opportunity to go to school, meet new friends and get the idea what of money can get us. Not that we(my family) got much better and lots more stuff at that time, it was just that for the first time I saw money can get my friends great toys like the Gundam models.

Whenever I recall my childhood moments, I couldn't help feeling that my father has always read my mind. He seemed to have done things to compensate for our differences with other families -- in a different way. We could barely afford daily necessities, let alone expensive superior goods for entertainment. But he always has his way of doing things. He made me toys with his own hands. The wooden car, iron bird and plastic airoplane on my bookshelf are some of his masterpiece that I have been keeping.

I am holding the wooden car in my hand. It feels just like the ten year-old who once set his clumsy fingers on the car. I look at my father. A stream of warmth and pride storm through my heart and I smile.

There are so many famous people in these world, movie stars, President,Scinetists...etc; These people are from different world which I admired. But my father is my idol, I have no doublt about it.

I live in a poor family, my family cannot affort expensive things. When I was a toddler, my father always make out some toys for me, obviuosely is handmade. I don't have a chance to go to school not until ten, becasue my father did not make enough money to support my education. I understood that he has been suffered for a long period of time for not being able to support my education. Nonetheless, those were the day I enjoy the most.

The time has gone, but I still remember my father plays with me afterwork. He plays basketball , ride the bicycle with me and taught me bicycle lessons. He took me to countryside for picnic and playing sports game on sunny day. Sometimes, we stay home for reading after dinner; and of course ,these books are borrwer from the library. More or less, he always told me interesting story or read me a book before the bed time which I have learnt a lot from him.

My life experienced with my father help myself doing better in school, manyf things he taught is became useful in school. I am very happy and appreciate my childhood with my fathe. I certainly belive that I will be a good father when I grow up. My childhood experience with father is wordless and memmorable.

2012-08-03 01:29:17 補充：
he has been suufered can also say ..he felt sorry for a long period of time

errors and corrections:-
(1)There(are) many---
---Somebody---
---secular---
---that is---

(2)but those---

(3)very appreciative---
Correcting your English by recognising common mistakes,avoiding unnecessary repetition,making comparisons,also eliminating jargons will improve your style.

My Idol

There were many famous people in the world. Something like Pop stars,
presidents, scientists... many different section of people. But I
only have an idol in my life and this is my father.

My family was poor, we lived in a hut and we couldn't afford any
expensive things. My father usually handmade some toys
for me, when I was a child. I didn't go to school then, because he didn't have
enough money to pay for my education, until I was ten.
I knew that he usually felt upset with that, but these were the most enjoyable period of my life.

My father usually plays with me after work. He taught me how to ride
a bicycle and to play basketball. He told me stories at night after supper as well.
Sometimes, We went to the countryside to have a picnic and play some sports when the weather were wonderful.
Sometimes, we stayed at home to read some books, which he borrowed from the library. I had learnt a lot from him.

I am very appreciated with his taught. All these things were very
useful when I got into the school. I also believe, I will be a
good father as well in the future.