小學英文作文.可以幫幫我改改佢?? 我諗今次會再好一些.

(是次批改重點: grammar)
1) I was fed up with my low salary.
2) I do not have any certificates./ I have not got any certificates.
3) I took some English Courses. I studied at home but my English didn't show any improvement.
4) I have no idea how it (/my English) can get better.
5) I tried to memorise some of the words (/some new words) that I have seen.
6) It took me three days to learn those words.
7) It is very hard to memerise (all of ) them.
8) But I couldn't let those words stay in my mind.
9) I went to the cinema with friends and we went shopping.
10) I simply did nothing - until the day my brother rang me and asked me how my study was going.
11) I told him that I wanted to give up my study.
12) He was silenced for a second and then he scolded me for that.
13) And I am very thankful to my brother who cares about me.
14) Now, I am trying to do some writing./Now, I am trying to write.
15) I post my compositions on the interent and look for(/ask for) someone to correct them.
16) And I really appreciate the people who do me a favor.
17) I also hope that they (/those great people) can tell me what words are worth-memorizing.

1) be fed up with sth/ sb e.g. I am fed up with you!/ I am fed up with not being able to sing at home!
2) have(有) v.s. do not have(冇);就好似 like v.s. do not like
3) I took Chinese Literature when I was in secondary school./ I took Physics, Chemistry and Biology in F.6.
4) I have no idea how she came! (而非...how did she come.) He had no idea why he was disqualified. (而非 ...why was he disqualified.) They have no idea which answer is right. (而非...which is the right answer.)
5) remember (recalling sth) v.s. memorise (reciting sth). Remember to bring .... v.s. Memorising Japanese lyrics is hard for me.
6) It takes 3 mins to go from here to there.
8) let sb do sth. My mum doesn't let me sing Karaoke.
留意tense
past tense=而家不再,e.g. was a baker/ studied at home/ tried to memorise new words. (<==你用past tense 寫ge野,都會俾人感覺你而家冇再做)

下次writing多留意:
tenses
&內容(要更豐富)

----Learning Foreign Language-------
I am a baker. I worked more than 12 hours a day. So I have been treated to be a laborer. And I was fed up that my salary wasn't high enough because I haven't any certificate yet.
I went to some Eng.Course but studied at home and my Eng. didn't get any improvement. I had no ideas how I could improve in my learning. I had tried to memorize the vocabularies and learnt by rote but failed within 3 days and felt upset.
Since I wanted to give up learning, I went to cinema and shopping with friends. Staying at home,playing games,watching movies,doing nothing were what I did until one day my brother rang me up. He asked how was my studies and I told him I gave up already. He was silenced for a second and then he scolded me for my wrongdoing. Hence I had to give up many wrong doings for fear of being blamed and criticized..
Now I am trying to do some serious writing.I am trying to push my compositions into the internet.I am looking for someone to correct them.I really appreaciate anyone who could do me that favor.I also hope those great people will tell me which part to be learnt by rote,which vocabularies to be memorized.(?don't know what do you mean by of the remembering words is helpful?)

Learning Foreign Language

I was a baker. I worked more than twelve hours a day.
So I have been tired to be a (labor). (Moreover) , I was fed up
my salary wasn't high enough(,) because I haven't (got) any
certificate.

I went to some English (Courses). I studied at home and
My English didn't get any improvement. I have no ideas
how (to do) better in that. So I tried to remember some
words I have ever seen. But it's very hard to remember (it).
I took three days to learn those words. But I couldn't
remember all those words./But I couldn't let those words
in my mind. I also felt upset about my study.

I wanted to give up (my) learning. (Therefore),I went to cinema with friends
and we went to shopping. I stayed at home playing games,
watching movies. Just do nothing, Until (one) day my brother
rang me and asking me how is my study. I told him that I
wanted to give up of my study. He was silenced for a second
and he scolded me for that. I used to give up many things
which is difficult to be done. So I knew that I was wrong.
And I am very thankful for my brother who care about me.

Now, I am trying to do some writing. I (upload) my Compositions
to the internet and looking for someone to correct mine.
And I am really appreciated (for) some people (who) do me a favor. I also
hope those great people can tell me which of the remembering words
is helpful.

Learning Foreign Language

I was a baker. I worked more than twelve hours a day.
So I have been tired to be a (labor). And I fed up
my salary that wasn't high enough because I (didn't have) any
certificate.

I went to some English (Courses). I studied at home and
(my) English didn't get any improvement. I (had) no ideas
how (could) I be better. So I tried to remember some
words I have ever seen. But it was very hard to remember.
I took three days to learn those words. But I couldn't
remember all those words and let those words
in my mind. And I also felt upset about my study.

I wanted to give up learning. I went to cinema with friends
and then we went to shopping . I stayed at home playing games and
watching movies. Just did nothing, until a day my brother asked me how is my studying. I told him that I wanted to give up my study. He was silenced for a second and he scolded me. I used to give up many things
which is difficult to be done. So I knew that I was wrong.
And I thanked for my brother who care about me.

Now, I am trying to do some writing. I push my compositions
on the Internet and looking for someone to correct mine.
And I am really appreciated some people do me a favor. I also
hope those great people can tell me which of the remembering words
is helpful.