幫我睇睇篇英文自我介紹~thx

My name is XX, you can call me XX. I'm XX years old. I'm a Form X student. I’m studying in XXXXSchool. I'm happy to introduce myself.
I live in XXX. There are X member in my family, including XXX and me. We often go shopping together and sometimes we will go out for dinner. I have a happy family. I have two best friends, X and Y. We always study and do things together. We often help each other when we have difficulties. They are really nice guy.
My favourite hobby is playing badminton. I think it is good for our health in developing and maintaining a good physical (and mental) balance.[通常balance會是包括兩樣或以上的東西才需要平衡的] The senior in the badminton club always says, 'Know both your opponent and yourself ever victorious'.[這句quotation雖然明顯是中文知己知彼百戰百勝的不太合文法直譯，但不會改了，留一些地道的味道，有興趣上網查吓這些諺語的英文對照idiom] That is very helpful in my daily life.[…這裏可以再加一點對你生活如何有幫助…] Besides playing badminton, I like drawing and listening to music. They allow me to relax and refine my temperament.
My favourite subjects are X and X. I am the subject prefect of X, it brings me a sense of responsibility [這句子組it-verb-me是錯的句式:一個subject prefect的職位(死物)是不能carry(負起)你，我想你是用錯字誤以為carry這個字是「帶給你」責任(感)？我用brings現在式表示它的永恆價值] so it really cheers me up. [不要and連獨立成句的兩個意思] I'm sure I will keep on studying more about these two subjects. I want to be a X before but I think I should explore more knowledge on X. Thus, I will choose to be X or X for my future career.
Thank you for your time. 整體而言，除了中段較多內容層面以致句組和用詞之間未細心留意基本文法和用詞外，簡單的句子寫法沒有大問題，如想表達複雜意思，先試用短/簡句子寫出多個內容，再在當中編排和組合，不要一次把太多的內容混在一起來寫，應該會清楚和使你自己容易檢查出錯誤。

其實一篇自我介紹,最緊要係簡潔,而且要俾人有成熟既感覺,俾人知道關於你既野.所以我而家幫你改少少...希望幫到你.不過你都要再睇番時間,,2-3分鐘就最好.

My name is XX, I'm XX years old. I'm a Form X student and I’m studying in XXXXSchool. This is my honor to introduce myself.
I live in XXX. There are X member in my family, including XXX and me.My
mother is(eg.understanding... )She always(eg taik to me....)My father is (eg.tall/
hard-working)He usually(work until midnight).We love going shopping together
and going out for dinner. I have a (warm/nice) family.
X and Y are my best frineds. We always study and do (things???what things?) together. We often help each other when someone have difficulties. They are really a nice guy.My teacher is(eg.nice) too.They (eg.help with my homework...)
I like playing badminton(with my xxx). I think it is good for health and develop and maintain a good physical balance.That is very helpful in our daily life and
have a closer relationship between xxx and me.Besides playing badminton, I like drawing and listen to music too. They let me relax and refine the temperament.
My favourite subjects are X and X. I am the subject prefect of X, it carried me a responsibility so it really cheered me up and I'm sure I will keep on studying more about these two subjects. I want to be a X before but I think I should explore more knowledge on X. Thus, I will choose to be X or X for my future career because(....................)
That's all for my introduction.Thank you for your patient and time.

如果有咩唔明再問我啦:)