we're married for 5 years and I start to feel we're from 2 different worlds. we met at Univeristy and dated for 6 years. at first, we loved each other becuase we were just going to school and nothing to worry about (ie. money, job etc). note: I got high marks in school and he did bad in school. Now we're working, and all my friends have found boyfriends/husbands that have high-pay jobs (ie. engineers, accountants etc), well educated .. but he is only an accounting clerk. he doesn't want to get a license because he hates school. also his english is poor so it's not easy for him to find a better job. I want him to learn better english but he refuses. I really don't want to compare him to other men, but I cannot control becuase I'm always surrounded by people who have good Quali. As for personality, we always argue... i'm the person that always think and he's the one that only do when I ask him to. Our personality is opposite. He has changed a little, but I know he doesn't like it. Despite his effort, I still feel there's a gap between us. I agree he is a good man. He cares about me and loves me. He has no bad habits. But i just feel that's not enough if I need to stay with him forever. I also want to be fair to him and not waste each other's time if we shouldn't together anymore.
note: it's our first love for both of us and we got married, so it may be we don't know how to solve problems because we don't have the experience.
I really need other people's advice. thank you.
should I get divorce?
2012-05-10 1:01 pm
回答 (5)
2012-05-10 8:05 pm
✔ 最佳答案
我絕對同意你和他離婚。你不必擔心， 以你先生的條件， 他絕對是現時盛女們夢寐以求的極品。 盛女不是沒有人要的女人， 而是沒有男人符合她的要求。 她們受過高深教育， 有高尚職業， 物質無憂， 她們擁有一切。 只是需要你正想放棄的 - 愛 。 你看過唐唐的女朋友的照片嗎？ 所以你要離開你的先生， 不但可以給他一個機會（ 好像要施捨他什麼東西 ）， 也可以給盛女們一個機會， 現代的女性會主動爭取自己需要的東西。你想像的，因為他愛你， 你離開他以後， 他會因為不捨得你離開你而要生要死， 因為不能忘記你而終生不娶， 拒絕所有女性的接近， 使你拋棄他仍然可以控制他的幻想一定會破滅。
男人有了外遇可能不會忘記妻子， 但被妻子遺棄的男人一定不會再回頭。如果你已經有了你心目中理想的人， 希望你想一想他究竟要一個女朋友還是另外一個妻子。 你看過唐唐你就知道。
2012-05-10 18:40:19 補充：
世界上不會有一個人沒有另一個人就不能生活， 在你離開之後， 你的先生會受到打擊而很傷心， 但因為他是一個安於現狀的人， 他會很容易接受所謂失敗。 在時間的治療下， 他會享受自由， 輕鬆，沒有你的壓力（想他怎樣怎樣， 要他怎樣怎樣）的快樂。 如果你想加入盛女的行列， Go ahead, 祝你幸運！
2012-05-15 10:35:11 補充：
其實你已決定了答案， 你所需要的是有人教你如何美化你的主意， 如何能令你心安理得的拋棄自己的丈夫。
其實你不必覺得你自己做錯了什麼， 離婚在這個世界每日發生， 你也不必為你的所為內疚。 我的答案就是想你知道， 你以為你離開你的丈夫一定會傷害了他是因為你還以為你有絕對的權威吧了。你怎能肯定他不會歡迎你給了他自由， 幸福呢？
2012-05-18 06:11:41 補充：
放棄對他的監管， 給他自主， 給他自由， 你就是天使。 你以為你不離婚就是天使， 即是你現在是他的天使？ Forget it!
2012-05-19 06:32:22 補充：
多謝Ranger, 可惜說真話是沒有人肯聽的。
2012-05-14 9:56 pm
原本我打算做 CD-ROM 算了,
因為答o左你, 即使你知道答案,
你仍然會覺得三心兩意,
因為你係一個不甘於安於現狀的人...
而且, 你亦唔係一個好了解自己狀態的人....
首先, 既然你覺得你老公咁唔掂,
咁你自己又係咪仲係好掂, 好多人追?
人地如果仲係單身,
會唔會知道你結o左婚之後,
都仲想追你?
如果你仍然有咁o既魅力,
你先至好開始考慮離婚....
其次, 如果你老公再出去溝女,
你覺得佢成功的機會又高唔高?
如果佢仲可以溝到女,
咁即係佢o向其他女人心目中仍然好掂,
未至於好似你所講咁差....
第三, 你身邊果d所謂才俊,
又睇唔睇得你上眼?
據我所見, 你的英文都唔見得好好,
咁人地又會唔會嫌棄你??
你自己又做到咩職位先??
最後, 我不得不贊 Jenkin 的回覆夠客觀,
更要讚 5irismay 的回覆,
好值得 Ms Kam 好好反省同深思....
因為答o左你, 即使你知道答案,
你仍然會覺得三心兩意,
因為你係一個不甘於安於現狀的人...
而且, 你亦唔係一個好了解自己狀態的人....
首先, 既然你覺得你老公咁唔掂,
咁你自己又係咪仲係好掂, 好多人追?
人地如果仲係單身,
會唔會知道你結o左婚之後,
都仲想追你?
如果你仍然有咁o既魅力,
你先至好開始考慮離婚....
其次, 如果你老公再出去溝女,
你覺得佢成功的機會又高唔高?
如果佢仲可以溝到女,
咁即係佢o向其他女人心目中仍然好掂,
未至於好似你所講咁差....
第三, 你身邊果d所謂才俊,
又睇唔睇得你上眼?
據我所見, 你的英文都唔見得好好,
咁人地又會唔會嫌棄你??
你自己又做到咩職位先??
最後, 我不得不贊 Jenkin 的回覆夠客觀,
更要讚 5irismay 的回覆,
好值得 Ms Kam 好好反省同深思....
2012-05-11 1:01 am
............................
2012-05-10 7:57 pm
Frankly speaking, some portions of the problem may be the way your process your thoughts in rationalize/reasoning situations/things.
Even if you get divorce and marry another man who may have high qualification/social status/good English, he may have other issues that you may not have experience before.
Therefore, it come down to one thing in dealing with your issues:
"Value" or "Value system" of your life.
I'm not going to ask you why you decided to marry him/why he decided to marry you (you may ask him to gain more understanding of youself from his view). I'm sure the answer(s) should not be those reason(s) you said "not enough" to be with him "forever".
So go back to your "Value system" to check for yourself - Are those needs for "good English, qualifications, better job, equal to your friends/colleagues, matching your appearance/image, self-motivated, listen to/follow my instruction, etc." are the basis of your view of "marriage" or "husband".
If you still find these "need to be" are essential for your husband, then "yes", you should divorce him. But I can guarantee you will continue to realize there is a "more qualifiable" man out there for the rest of your life.
Alternatively, you may always ask yourself everyday: What does his "good" do to you in your life/marriage? How will I reward his good at the end of each day so that he may maintain his good without my judgement/comparison with the rest of the world.Finally, imagine what if your "perfect husband" critizes your nature (e.g. you're so serious about everything and have no fun, you always have an absolute and ultimate perfect standard in everything you see, you cannot appreciate the variety fo the human nature, you've no artistic mind, etc.) because he thinks he is more superior to you. Will you divorce him? Why/Why not?
Even if you get divorce and marry another man who may have high qualification/social status/good English, he may have other issues that you may not have experience before.
Therefore, it come down to one thing in dealing with your issues:
"Value" or "Value system" of your life.
I'm not going to ask you why you decided to marry him/why he decided to marry you (you may ask him to gain more understanding of youself from his view). I'm sure the answer(s) should not be those reason(s) you said "not enough" to be with him "forever".
So go back to your "Value system" to check for yourself - Are those needs for "good English, qualifications, better job, equal to your friends/colleagues, matching your appearance/image, self-motivated, listen to/follow my instruction, etc." are the basis of your view of "marriage" or "husband".
If you still find these "need to be" are essential for your husband, then "yes", you should divorce him. But I can guarantee you will continue to realize there is a "more qualifiable" man out there for the rest of your life.
Alternatively, you may always ask yourself everyday: What does his "good" do to you in your life/marriage? How will I reward his good at the end of each day so that he may maintain his good without my judgement/comparison with the rest of the world.Finally, imagine what if your "perfect husband" critizes your nature (e.g. you're so serious about everything and have no fun, you always have an absolute and ultimate perfect standard in everything you see, you cannot appreciate the variety fo the human nature, you've no artistic mind, etc.) because he thinks he is more superior to you. Will you divorce him? Why/Why not?
2012-05-10 6:38 pm
Don't compare to others,tell your true feeling with him,whether you love him,other is not important,
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