如題, 因為小弟要打信畀葉太, 人地英文系first-hon, 難免有d ngau... 所以想大家幫下眼, 睇下有咩要執漏... 感激不盡:))))
subject: Requesting an Internship Offer in Summer
Dear Mrs. Ip, This is Abraham Tang Wai-yan, a year-one IBBA student from CUHK. It is my pleasure to write to you, for my family and I are all supportive of your advocacy of a knowledge-based society. With this regard, I am writing to request an internship in the coming summer holiday. In my view, not only is Mrs. Ip a capable lady, but also, an admirable and influential celebrity in town. Being one of the most renowned and heart-winning legislators, you have served us well as a role model in our pursuit of career. It is deeply believed that working in your party would be an eye-opening experience, which could in turn enhance my capability, as well as my social networking and collaborative skills, all of which are crucial to be a successful and competent business leader. When asked about myself, I think I am an out-going and cheerful person. I also regard myself as a persevere perfectionist striving for the best, but I always consider myself lacking some leadership qualities. Therefore it is hoped that, through continual observation and learning, I could develop some organising skills, and most hopefully, gain some insight into team management. A CV detailing my past experiences would be available upon request. I understand my contribution to your group might neither be an immense nor a remarkable one, but I am geniunely asking for this invaluable opportunity, with enthusiasm and dedication. What I wish is to try out something different, making my holiday more meaningful and fruitful. It is sincerely hoped that the chance could be kindly offered. Finally, thank you for your kind attention. Your prompt reply would be much appreciated. Yours sincerely,Abraham
幫幫手, 同我check 下grammar (10pts!)
2012-04-30 7:28 pm
回答 (3)
2012-05-01 5:40 am
✔ 最佳答案
Your English writing is already very good. There may be just a couple of grammatical mistakes that I would like to point out for your consideration.(1) crucial to be: (wrong)
correct usage: crucial to/for something
for example: crucial to becoming a successful and competent leader
crucial to the success of a competent leader
(2) when asked about..., I think ....
It is not very logical to say "I think" because you need to answer when asked.
for example: When asked about myself, I would say I am an out-going ...
Talking about myself, I think I am an out-going ...
(3) consider myself lacking some leadership qualities
(a) lacking as adjective: consider myself lacking in leadership qualities
(b) lack as verb: consider myself to lack leadership qualities
(4) It is deeply believed that ...
Therefore it is hoped that, ...
Therefore it is hoped that, ...
Although it is nothing wrong with the grammar of these expression, I prefer to write in active voice as it sounds more solid. (I believe, I hope, ...)
It is also more straightforward to say, " I sincerely hope that you would kindly offer me the chance ".
2012-05-01 6:48 pm
subject: Requesting an Internship Offer in Summer
Dear Mrs. Ip, I'm Abraham Tang Wai-yan, a year-one IBBA student from CUHK. It is my pleasure to write to you, for my family and I being all supporting yours advocacy of a knowledge-based society. With this regard, I would like to request an internship in the coming summer holiday. In my opinion, you are not only a capable lady, but also, an admirable and influential celebrity in town. Being one of the most renowned and heart-winning legislators, you have served us well and acting as a role model in our pursuit of career. It is deeply believed that working in your party would be an openeyed experience, which could in turn enhance my capability, as well as my social networking and collaborative skills, all of which are crucial to be a successful and competent business leader. When asked about characters, I think I am an out-going and cheerful person. I also regard myself as a persevering perfectionist striving for the best, but I always consider myself being lack of some leadership abilities. Therefore it is hoped that, through continual practising and learning, I could develop some organising skills, and hopefully will gain some experience in team management. A CV detailing my past experience would be available upon request. I understand my participation in your group might neither be an immense nor a remarkable one, but I am geniunely asking for this invaluable opportunity, with enthusiasm and dedication. What I wish is to try out something different, making my holiday more meaningful and fruitful. It is sincerely hoped that the chance could be kindly offered. Finally, thank you for your kind consideration. Your prompt reply would be heartily appreciated. Yours sincerely,Abraham
Dear Mrs. Ip, I'm Abraham Tang Wai-yan, a year-one IBBA student from CUHK. It is my pleasure to write to you, for my family and I being all supporting yours advocacy of a knowledge-based society. With this regard, I would like to request an internship in the coming summer holiday. In my opinion, you are not only a capable lady, but also, an admirable and influential celebrity in town. Being one of the most renowned and heart-winning legislators, you have served us well and acting as a role model in our pursuit of career. It is deeply believed that working in your party would be an openeyed experience, which could in turn enhance my capability, as well as my social networking and collaborative skills, all of which are crucial to be a successful and competent business leader. When asked about characters, I think I am an out-going and cheerful person. I also regard myself as a persevering perfectionist striving for the best, but I always consider myself being lack of some leadership abilities. Therefore it is hoped that, through continual practising and learning, I could develop some organising skills, and hopefully will gain some experience in team management. A CV detailing my past experience would be available upon request. I understand my participation in your group might neither be an immense nor a remarkable one, but I am geniunely asking for this invaluable opportunity, with enthusiasm and dedication. What I wish is to try out something different, making my holiday more meaningful and fruitful. It is sincerely hoped that the chance could be kindly offered. Finally, thank you for your kind consideration. Your prompt reply would be heartily appreciated. Yours sincerely,Abraham
2012-05-01 12:37 am
署名應用 Abraham Tang, instead of just Abraham.
收錄日期: 2021-04-13 18:39:48
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120430000051KK00207