請幫我睇睇封cover letter, 謝

Dear Madam / Sir,

Re: Application for the Post of Customer Service Officer


I am writing to apply for the position of Customer Service Officer with great passion and energy, hoping to develop a career in your company.



When I was 18, I had worked for AAA Company as an Insurance Agent for one year and eight months, my key responsibilities were to handle client inquires, sales and maintain good relationship with customers. I have good communication skills and experience in dealing with customers. This was the beginning of my customer-oriented career path.


I obtained my bachelor degree in Business Administration at BBB University in 2008. After graduation, [] I served as a counter servicer in CCC Company and DDD Company for a total N years, then I worked as a customer service representative for EEE Company from YYYY to YYYY, and I worked as a Sales Executive for FFF Company since YYYY to gain frontline experience. Having develop my knowledge and skills in this field, [] I am sure that my friendly and enthusiastic personalities will definitely help in customer-oriented jobs.


Finally, I hope that I would be considered as a favourable candidate, I will try my best to be a valuable asset in your company. For further information, please [] contact me at 9123-9123.


I look forward to having an opportunity to meet with you for an interview soon.

Thank you for your kind attention.


[ ]的是省去的。

基本文法和句子都算可以，但有些細節不足，但有些卻有點累贅，學習寫得簡而清會比較依公文的寫法會好一點，另外注意段的編輯和用詞是否表達你的風格(例如你說great passion and energy,...friendly and enthusiastic personalities是否在你的寫法上反映，還是僱主看見你信會覺得是個墨守成規的人)。

注意！Thank you for your attention意思並不是attention所以不要用「！」
另外留意look froward to是一組preposition phrase跟著的是用verb-ing的寫法。
這兩段太範本化了，可以嘗試寫得貼身有力和獨特一點：
I will enjoy meeting with you for an interview to allow you to know more about me.