好唔開心..我係同性戀???佢唔鍾意我.....

我16歲女仔,岩岩升中既時候識左班fd,一直相處得幾好,,不過由好早開始我特別鍾意其中1個fd,佢都係女仔,原本我好似普通學生唔鍾意番學,但係因為想見到佢,所以我日日都好期待快d番學,因為成日一齊玩,,,所以我同班fd感情好好,但係我有d咩心事都只係同佢講,而佢都會同我講心事,,,不過我覺得唔係得我知,我意思係佢可能都會同其他fd,好似小學fd果d講. 每次見到佢我都會不自覺對佢做出d親密既行為,多數佢都會避開,其實每次佢咁我心入面都會暗暗唔開心,但係我冇表現出黎,,只係扮到同佢玩,,有次講起同性戀既野,我好婉轉咁問佢,,雖然都好明顯咁,,佢答如果我係佢都會接受我,但係佢好直接講佢唔會鍾意女仔,聽到果下真係好唔開心,個心好酸咁,想喊都喊唔出,一路屈住,冇地方發洩咁,,,之後果幾日我成個人落晒形,,唔敢發短訊俾佢,,,原本平時有打俾佢傾計,,都冇打到,,,之後幾日因為之前約好要同佢出街,,一開始覺得同佢距離好似遠左咁,行係隔離都冇企好埋(平時隻手手臂都會碰到),,之後又好似冇乜野,,但係都有距離咁....
最近番學心情好「覆集」,,因為我知佢唔會鍾意我..但係每日見到佢..我控制唔到自己唔繼續鍾意,,一路以黎我都好討厭男仔,,尤其學校果d,,因為細個有d陰影,,但係我冇接受過自己,,冇面對過我對佢既感覺,,有時我覺得我可能仲會鍾意男仔,,或者好似佢講未搵到岩既人..其實我好驚同佢講同性戀既野,有時係街我好驚見到好似TB既女仔,,好驚佢會同我絕交...因為我地唔同班,,我只係可以聽佢講佢班既情況,,當我見到佢同男仔講野或者玩,,甚至之前有男仔主動過黎撩佢,,我都會好唔開心,,好想走,,我又冇能力阻止佢地傾計,,我又唔係佢邊個,,如果我因為呷醋呢個原因阻止佢,,咁變左我同佢表白....但係我知道佢冇可能接受我......我有時好驚去面對佢,,有時食飯我會搵藉口唔一齊食,,,自己「呢」埋唔開心,,我有去搵過社工傾計,,,但係冇同佢講我可能係同性戀,,我好驚連社工都唔接受我,,,
我究竟點算好..我係咪要扮冇野繼續咁樣?..但係日日都要番學,,我而家對番學又愛又恨...我又唔係讀女校..學校咁多男仔,,,如果再有呢d情況..我要點做好..我真係唔知點算,,我好想繼續同佢做好朋友,,我再大個d係咪都會係同性戀??我仲有冇得變番「直」,,我見到男仔只會有1,2個會覺得佢地令仔,,但係完全冇其他沖動,,,好唔開心,我只係會同佢講心事,,,而家連佢都唔講得,,又要成日有d避佢咁,,,有時我莫名其妙會好嬲,,,又冇其他人明我點諗,,有冇人可以幫下我...萬分感謝...

打左好多字..好希望有人可以幫下我..如果太多廢話好對唔住...