可以幫手睇下有冇錯grammar嗎?thx

This year, I had experienced lots of OLE activities. My favourite one was “Visit Cathay City” on 7th May 2011.

While visiting []Cathay City, we were given a chance to work as a Customer Service Officer in the Simulated Aircraft Cabin. Moreover, we went to the canteen to have lunch with the *westerner staff and boarded in the hotel inside []Cathay City. The hotel inside []Cathay City was quite huge and grand, there’s a swimming pool, a gym room, a basketball court and a tennis court as well in which the facilities were so perfect! These made me want to be a staff of this company!
(留意句子重組位置配合內容表達的邏輯次序)
After the visit, I felt it was a very exciting/interesting/interactive OLE activity, everyone could ask question and enjoyed the time inside []Cathay City. When the tour guide told us about the requirements for the jobs in the company, I suddenly realized that I should start to think of my prospects, (…), it was really helpful to me.

Finally, I hope that we can have more and more activities like this, these memories of []“Visit Cathay City” are so special and precious.[]Cathay City本身是獨一無二的名稱，可以不用the冠詞的。 *雖然foreigner的意思是外國人，但只是相對於國家和地點上的本地人以外的人，但你說的是Cathay的員工(staff)，其實你才是Cathay City的foreigner.所以我會小心用詞，把你的意思改為westerner staff(西方人員工)，以對比本地員工，同時亦可避免past tense(全篇)跟are個別的present tense的混亂(文法錯亂)。另外注意一下，當說人的subordinate clause的連接詞應該用who而不是which。 (…)我會寫出我需要的prospects意思是甚麼，例如：I would have to improve my English to the western standard, I would need to exercise more in order to pass the fitness test, …。這樣才顯出後句為何helpful to me.