英文文法有無錯

Originally, my family has a very good relationship but my family is very unfortunate. Unfortunate things often happen in my family. My father is a swordsman too but he died, he offends the king because he does not listen to the king orders so the king killed my father. Still he always is my hero. I’m one of the army generals. Among many generals, I am the youngest. The King [] reuses me, because I help him win [] many wars. My mother [] works at church, she likes to help the poor, she’s very nice but her fate isn’t good, []she was burnt to death by the fire . My brother is the best general, but once he killed civilians in another kingdom, so he was imprisoned for 60 years. I don’t want my brother to die in prison, so I think for a lot of way but no method is feasible. There is only one way to help my brother, it is [] to have a prison raid. I know that this method is so difficult but he is my best brother, I don’t want him to die in prison so I will do anything to save him, but I can't do anything by myself only. So I want an army to help me to complete my task. Fortunately I found out that another kingdom is going to attack my kingdom and to kill my brother, so I prepared for an undercover assassin to assassinate the king and rescue my brother in this kingdoms. Although I saved him, but because there are other countries attack us. By now a lot of assassins do not listen to my order and they killed my brother and a lot of people. After the war, they formed the Fraternity to overthrow a tyrant [to the rule of force]. Although they killed the king(s) and succeeded in overthrowing the other kingdom(s), but they cannot overthrow my kingdom[] because they are trained by me and I know their actions.

只修改了大錯，全篇未算完成/完整無誤。留意全篇應以past tense寫作，請自行修正。故事尚有點情節，但有些部重重覆覆，可以精簡和描述多一點情節上的關係。有些你用so...的連接其實不是「因此」之意，可用and...因為不是因果的關係。