唔該幫我睇一睇grammar 有沒錯!急!

Students join different clubs at school. It has English Club, Chinese Club, Boys' Scouts, Badminton Club, Table-tennis Club, Swimming Club, Art Club, Music Club, Orchestra etc Some students join the societies and the environment clubs such as Social Services Club. Some students may join different subjects' clubs, for example English Club, Chinese Club etc . Some students join different Music Clubs,like the School Orchestra.
Students want to join these clubs because they want to acquire more about about their hobbies. Students do not only learn knowledge during the class, but they can also learn different useful and meaningful things by participating at club activates. To conclude, it is good to join the school clubs because you are able to meet a lot of new friends and of course, you can learn much more knowledge from the clubs too.


THANKS. Hope that I can help you!

To Ho-yin : " join" 不單是 vt , 亦是 vi .

Students join different clubs at school such as Boys Scouts,Art Club, Music Club, Orchestra etc. Some students will join about the society and the environment clubs such as Social Service Club. Some students will join about different subjects clubs for example English Club, Chinese Club etc . Students want to join these clubs because they want to learn more about their hobby. Students do not only learn knowledge during the class, but they can also learn knowledge by participating into club activates. To conclude, it is good to join the school clubs because you are able to meet a lot of new friends and of course, you can learn much knowledge from the clubs too.


I think that you should read more vocabularies to enhance your grammar level.

2011-05-22 08:55:44 補充：
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首段的第二句主語用了it, 但其對象clubs 卻是複數. 至少應把it 改為they
但我認為用such as 併為一句更好, 可以避免句子呈現得鬆散.

第二段用some students will join...
我認為使用簡單現在式, 把學生加入學會之事, 敍述為一般現象, 已經足夠. 這裡用will的話也是可以的.

...join about XXX clubs such as YYY 是錯的
動詞join是及物動詞, 後面要有一個object, 它前面不須使用介詞.
join clubs such as YYY 才是正確,
但你想用 about XXX 說出那些學會是關於甚麼的話, 這幾個詞應該加在相關的名詞(即 clubs) 之後, 而不是之前, 所以應該寫
...join clubs about XXX, such as YYY (在such as 前面可增加一個逗號)
這幾個句子都差不多, 用一些連詞連成一句會使文句更連貫.

這段的幾個句子全都是 students 作主語, 其實後面的可改為 they.

learn 可以直接用作不及物動詞, (你的文章中四次使用learn, 又三次使用knowledge 作其object. 讀起來有點悶.)

during the class 可以寫成 in the classroom

participate 應該用 in (我search 過, 用 into 也有不少, 但用 in 者更多, 而且字典也說用 in)

第三段,
"you are able to meet ..." 即是 "you can meet ..."
但係如果你想說參加學會使你認識新朋友, 可以用 it/they enable(s) (it = joining clubs; they = clubs)
"of course" 是不是多餘了一點? 用of course 的話, 會使文章變得casual. 要是我的話就干脆刪去它.
另外你可把自己也代入讀者中, 用we/us 而不是you.

我改寫後如下, 文章會短了, 但似乎能更流暢和連貫, 減少重覆使用的詞以消去累贅的感覺.

Students join different clubs at school, such as English Club, Chinese Club, Boys Scouts, Badminton Club, Table-tennis Club, Swimming Club, Art Club, Music Club, and the Orchestra, etc.

While some students join clubs about the society and the environment, such as Social Service Club, some join clubs about different subjects like English Club and Chinese Club, and some join clubs about fine art, such as Music Clubs, Art Club and the Orchestra. Students want to join these clubs because they want to learn more about their hobbies. They learn knowledge not only in the classroom, but also from club activities.

To conclude, it is good for us to join the school clubs because they enable us to meet a lot of new friends, and to learn much.

如果要寫長一點, 與其把字詞不斷重覆, 不如:
1.擴充現有句子, 例如用形容詞, e.g. valuable knowledge
2.更重要是加多些別的內容使之更豐富

Students join different clubs at school. For example, English Club, Chinese Club, Boys Scouts, Badminton Club, Table-tennis Club, Swimming Club, Art Club, Music Club, Orchestra etc Some students will join about the society and the environment clubs such as Social Service Club. Some students will join about different subjects clubs, for example, English Club, Chinese Club etc . Some students will join about arts club such as Music Clubs, Art Club and Orchestra. Students want to join these clubs because they want to learn more about their hobby. Students do not only learn knowledge during the class, but they can also learn knowledge by participating into club activates. To conclude, it is good to join the school clubs because you are able to meet a lot of new friends and of course, you can learn much knowledge from the clubs too.

Students join different clubs at school. They are English Club, Chinese Club,Boys Scouts, Badminton Club, Table-tennis Club, Swimming Club, Art Club, Music Club, Orchestra etc Some students will join clubs about the society and the environment such as Social Service Club. Some students will join clubs about different subjects for example English Club, Chinese Club etc . Some students will join clubs about art such as Music Clubs, Art Club and Orchestra. Students want to join these clubs because they want to learn more about their hobby. Students do not only learn knowledge during the class, but they can also learn knowledge by participating into club activates. To conclude, it is good to join the school clubs because you are able to meet a lot of new friends and of course you can learn more knowledge from it too.