商用英文，有關抱怨的信，請大大幫忙，謝謝。

Dear Mr. Lau,

I would like to inform you that we have been ordering twenty copies of two books from the World Press, the publishing company on July 14.

改成have ordered 因為已經訂了，主詞「我們」訂不能用被動。東西被訂才用被用。後面那句是說出版公司在7月14日？不很清楚您想表達的意思。
After placing the order, you promised that you would delivery the books in six weeks. When you sent them a reminder fax on October 1, you received a reply saying that the books will be in Taipei within two weeks. However, now it is January 4, and the date of seminar is on January 26 will coming . The books are still pending.

加入however轉折加強。seminar加入告知日期將來臨; pending是指尚未解決。


There was an urgent issue . In order to solve the problem , we hope to get a prompt solution or immediate refund. Thank you for your cooperation.

很急的issue議題。為了解決問題...

Sincerely,

Dear Mr. Lau,

I would like to inform you that we have been ordering twenty copies of two books from the World Press, the publishing company on July 14.
Please be advised that we have ordered twenty copies of two books from the publishing company "World Press" on July 14.

After placing the order, you promised that you would delivery the books in six weeks. When you sent them a reminder fax on October 1, you received a reply saying that the books will be in Taipei within two weeks. Now, It is January 4, and the seminar is on January 26. The books haven’t arrived.

You promised the books could be delivered to us in six weeks. When you reminded them by fax on October 1, they confirmed the books could arrived in Taipei within two weeks . However as of today, we still haven't received the books yet.

There was an urgent problem. If could, we hope to get a prompt solution or immediate refund. Thank you for your cooperation.

We have a very critical situation here because the seminar falls on January 26. Please contact the publisher immediately to find out what's going on. We need the books now.

Your earliest attention to this matter would be highly appreciated.

(退錢的事視對方的回答再提不遲)

Dear Mr. Lau,

My order (order# 99999 and/or attach a copy of original order) on July 14th of 2011 has not arrived as you have promised. Please refer back to your previous fax on October 1st of 2011 (fax number and time in here and/or attach a copy of original fax).

Since we can not receive our order from you in a timely manner as you have claimed, therefore we are forced to cancel our order. I believe you will take care our refund properly and promptly.


Thanks your attention,



XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Note:與國外商業信函的來往最重要的是「outline fact(s)」
fact(s)包括Who, What, Where, Why, hoW 等五個Ｗ
其它一概不應提及
時間很重要但必須包括“年”
與對方來往所有的文號不要省略
因為如此可幫他們很快找到與你們及帳務有關的資訊




2011-05-21 05:42:07 補充：
不要忘了用公司（Letterhead）的信紙及信封
Show them! You mean business.

Dear Mr. Lau,

I would like to inform you that we have been ordering twenty copies of two books from the World Press, the publishing company on July 14.
We ordered twenty copies of two books from the publishing company, World Press, on July 14.
After placing the order, you promised that you would delivery the books in six weeks. When you sent them a reminder fax on October 1, you received a reply saying that the books will be in Taipei within two weeks. Now, It is January 4, and the seminar is on January 26. The books haven’t arrived. According to our agreement, the delivery of the books was six weeks from the day we placed the order. On October 1st, you sent out the order to the publisher. They responded that the estimated arrival time for the book order to Taipei would be within the next two weeks. As it is now January 4th and the books are needed for our seminar on January 26th, we are concerned for the timing.
There was an urgent problem. If could, we hope to get a prompt solution or immediate refund. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please advise.
("advise" 除了做為"建議"以外，也用為"正式通知情形")
Sincerely,

Dear Mr. Lau,

I would like to inform you that we have ordered twenty copies of two books from the World Press, the publishing company, on July 14. After our placing order, you promised that you would deliver the books in six weeks. When you sent the World Press a reminder fax on October 1, you received a reply saying that the books would be in Taipei within two weeks. Now, it is January 4, and the seminar is on January 26 but the books haven’t arrived.

There was an urgent problem. If you could, we hope to get a prompt solution or immediate refund. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

2011-05-21 03:55:55 補充：
第二段 "but the books..." 裡的but 也可用 "yet"。