My husband betrayed me many times in more than one way. To go down the list briefly: he texted with another girl back and forth that he knew before we were together AFTER we were married. She sent him nasty innapropriate texts (I wanna see you, he sexy, so you gonna eat my ___). I brought this to his attention and he denied the allegations even when I would quote the texts word for word and knew her by name and everything. He never had sex outside of our marriage, but what he did was emotional infidelity and he lied to my face when I asked him many times. My husband has put his hands on me in a few cases when things got out of hand. He texted another girl from back home and he would vent to her about me making sure to refer to me as "b*tch" in a few of his texts. I found out about this too and confronted him and he lied again. I finally got fed up and got even by messaging back and forth with a guy I knew liked me. My texts were never sexual, but I did tell him that I wished I had givin him a chance instead. I wanted my husband to feel my pain. He ended up finding my messages (which i made purposely accessible) and he broke down crying and apologized for how he had made me feel and told me he finally knew how it felt himself. Also he told me taking care of our daughter was MY responsibility and he would help out whenever he saw fit. AND he had the nerve to tell me that OUR money was his money because he worked for it and I stayed at home (taking care of our daughter because I quit my career so she could have at least one of us home) This was all within just the first year of our marriage AND I was pregnant at the time he was texting these girls and one of the times he out his hands on me. The next year things toned down a little. There was no more texting other people, we were open and honest about who we were speaking to and had no codes on our phones. However he blew up again one day while our daughter was 1mo old and choked me while she layed next to me in anger. He went to jail. That second year we had a few minor physical altercations throughout the year (shoving, grabbing, sometimes slapping). I say minor not because I take domestic violence lightly, but because there was no actual punching or kicking involved although its still bad that it happened and I fully understand this. At the end of last year I finally told him I wanted to be separated I couldn't be I such a messed up marriage anymore. I kicked him out. We were separated for a few months but I admit I did cave in and have sex with him a few times (I know I was stupid for it). Little did I know that while we were separated he had got back into contact with his ex-girlfriend of a yr and was having conversations with her. Asking her how her day was and some flirtatious comments back and forth. Low and behold I found out he was back in contact with her because of "good old" Facebook. He had her added as a friend, and I found out everything else after I found this out. True, we were separated but we were still very much married. Also he was still sleeping with me as I said before. All I could think was"how dare you do this to me?" He put me through hell this entire marriage on so many levels and now this?? I stopped speaking to him after I brought it all to his attention. Time went by and one thing led to another and we ended up speaking and slowly agreeing to trying to see if we stood a chance together. He turned off his FB account, deleted any female friends he had on his phone which werent many, and started really dedicating himself to get better for the first time in our entire marriage. This was all late last year.
Present time: I havent had any problems from him at all. Sure a few squabbles here and there, but thats it. He has deeply apologized to me for everything he did to me and put me through. He realizes finally that he was messed up in the head (to say the least) and everything he said and did to me was wrong and should have never happened. Now he is the dream husband that he should have always been. Always asks me if I need anything, gives me massages, cooks me food, takes care of our daughter with zero complaints, doesnt go out at all really he's always at home with me because he chooses to be, he sits down and talks with me and asks me how I feel and how I'm doing, when I'm upset he asks me how he can make me feel better, he is always the first to apologize when we argue and he is always the first to make things better between us. I mean, I can go on and on. In a nutshell, he is NOTHING like the monster he was basically our whole marriage. He is this new person and as happy as I am tha
He is this new person and as happy as I am that he finally saw the light, I just cant find my happiness. I am still so hurt and resentful towards him for everything he did to me. I dont crave sex with him at all and I feel bad because as good as he has been for the past 5 months I feel like I should be able to give myself to him, but I literally have to force myself to do it. He never forces me, and tells me he understands how I feel and its ok, but it still hurts me. Now because of me, we cant move forward because I am still stuck in the past. What do I do? I need advice and guidance
@Beast I apologize for it being so long I know, I tried my best to keep it short and it still came out this long.
@Dr House. First of all, the reason I still had sex with my husband back then (during the bad times) was because I was still very much in love with him and blinded by the truth. I thought the things he was doing to me were "not him". I honestly believed that every time these things happened it would be the "last time". I dont enjoy being abused nor do I respect any man that treats a woman like sh*t, which I why I lost all respect for him eventually. But for me, it took longer because I was already madly in love with him AND pregnant with his child. Now I am distant because although I still do love him, I am not IN love with him anymore. However I am giving him this last chance to redeem himself and so far he has not made me regret my choice because he has truly become a changed man (so far). I now find it hard to have sex with him because now that I snapped out of my spell, all thats left is anger, sadness, and resentment. If you want to right this off as "women just love getting abuse
(cont) then you can do that, but until you can experience being a woman and a woman in my shoes you will never understand and only view this situation as a classic stereotype.
