請各位糾正我的英文論文的文法???

英文論文前言
This 'thesis' is hard to understand and written in English with Chinese grammar and wrong English translations of Chinese terms. Below is an example of writing it in English which admittedly includes a lot of guess work on what the author wants to express, and should only be used as a reference:

First Introduction
(I) Research
I have always believed that everything in God's creation makes sense. So I think that in the field of brain development there should be an effective mechanism in human brains. It is said that a human being can only develop his brain to less than ten percent of its potential in terms of computer field. To develop the brain more would rely on ways of stimulation other than the brain itself.
The problem domain in how to develop the brain is tackled by looking at the nature of all things. Originally there should be a key factor in the human brain development. The human form of thinking itself should be adjusted to possibly break the limit imposed by this key factor. The development of the brain to the full will impact on individuals' lives more than some people imagine, in either good or bad ways. This is why we want to research and explore the field of human brain development and motivation.
(II) Purpose:
Despite the advancement in science, there is inadequate explanation on how the human brain works. Although the full development of human brains may have adverse effect, we hope that our research will contribute towards the betterment of human lives through the evolution of mankind.

First Introductory:(I) Researching:{(I always believe that God gave everything makes sense, therefore, I think there should be an effective method of brain development field) [This sentence is awkward], because for now the point of view, human life can only develop a very poor less than ten percent computer field, it said, we have developed the way the brain is definitely not rely on the domain the way it is now relying on other kinds of ways to stimulate, in addition, how to develop the brain I think the problem domain, it should start thinking from the origin, it said the nature all things, there should be a key thing is the development of the brain or the human form of thinking itself should be adjusted to be possible to break this limit, the impact on individuals than some imagine, but if fully developed, and what is good for us , or bad, this is why we explore the field of human brain development research motivation}. [Firstly, this paragraph is very long that result in run-on sentence problem. It is not possible that a paragraph do not consist of foot-stop. In addition, what is the thesis of yr paragraph? The whole paragraph is not understandable] (II) Purpose:Although science is in progress, the brain does not have intact explanation (What does it means?). So, we must do and research this debate. No matter so terrible in the word {I cross this out because of unknown meaning}. We expect that the mankind who has evolved can help us. Remark: I do not know what your real educational level is. However, based on the recent short articles has just gone through, it does not meet the university standard of composition which should have been done. If you are a senior secondary student, this article will fail you also. By reading yr paragraph, lots of problems are discovered. Besides of grammatical errors, the content is crowd and unclear that disables the readers to get into the article knowing what you intend to express.

1st line: I always believe that God created everything reasonably. Therefore.................(u can't 'give' a sense) (make sense = 合理 = reasonable)
2nd line: I think there should be an effective method of brain field developing.
(i don't really know what u mean, but u should use a "VERB" after "METHOD" because a method is sthing u need to "DO")
2nd line: As for now, human kind (not human life, but u can also use human being) can only develop a very poor computer field (do u mean brain field as u mentioned?), which is less than 10%.
3rd line: The way human kind have developed their brains now relies on other kind of methods to stimulate. In addition, I believe the solution of the problem domain of developing brains, is to start from the origin. There should be a key that the development of the brain or the human form of thinking should be adjusted to be possible to break the limit, the impact on individuals than imaginations.
8th line: However, if brains are fully developed, we still do not know whether it is advantageous to mankind or not. That is why we explore the field of human brain development.


Part 2:
No matter how terrible it is in this world,...................
(The rest are good)



I really hope I can help you

Be frank, I really don't know what you are talking about. It is not only a problem of grammar.