唔該幫我睇下個英文報紙讀後感

There was a serious industrial incident yesterday near Yau Kom Tau on Tuen Mun Road. A construction worker was killed after being hit by a falling metal plate, he was the breadwinner of the family. Another two men got injured.

After reading this newspaper, I have learned that I must be careful when I doing any dangerous work. I will study hard in order to do fewer dangerous jobs.I felt very regreted that a man was dead in the incident.

You need to make sure your tenses were used appropriately. For example the first sentence: ".......There WAS (is)....... yesterday (time phrase)". Also, do not make careless error i.e: "...... two MEN (man) got injured......".

2011-04-12 21:41:08 補充：
Besides, for this sentence to be an example: "......I will study hard in order to do less dangerous".

2011-04-12 21:41:14 補充：
Although I understand your meaning, however you should explain in procedures that if you are going to study hard, what enables you/qualifies you to apply for an "less dangerous job".

There was a serious industrial incident yesterday near Yau Kom Tau on Tuen Mun Road. A construction worker was killed after being hit by a falling metal plate. He was the breadwinner of the family. Another two men got injured.

After reading this newspaper, I have learned that people must be careful when doing a dangerous job . I will study hard to get higher qualifications so that I will not end up doing risky jobs . I feel very sad that a man had died in the accident .


. red - grammar change
blue - writing style change