求英文冷笑話

1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted. ~The Oregonian~ 2. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~ 3. Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~ 4. Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. ~Josh Tallman~ 5. A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~ 6. A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits down at a desk and the name plate says "Patty Whac". He talks to Patty about the loan and she asks him what he has for collateral. The frog replies well I have this vase. He pulls the vase out of a bag to show her. Patty says "well thats just a cheap knick-knack". Then the owner notices the vase and says to himself "gee that's from the 17th century, it's worth tons of money" So he walks over to patty and says "Thats no knick-knake Patty Wha c give the frog a loan". ~Wakk0 Warner~ 7. 3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". ~Eric K.~ 8. A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" ~Alecia Wolf~ 9. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut... ~Phil Napier~

http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/trenton-kang/article?mid=1365&prev=1366&next=1363

2011-03-29 00:08:31 補充：
Why number nine was afraid of number seven?
Answer:7-8-9 get it seven ate nine

Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...because he is..little bigger.

When I told my doctor about my loss of memory,
He made me pay in advance.

2011-03-29 00:08:51 補充：
A: If we become engaged, will you give me a ring?
B: Sure. What's tour number?

A: I heard that you dropped 100 pounds.
B: Yes, I dropped my girlfriend.

A:Didn't you see the twenty-five-mile-per-hour sign?
B: No, officer. I was driving too fast to see it.

2011-03-29 00:10:20 補充：
A: Why did you park your car here?
B: The Sign says: "Fine for Parking!"

A: Do you remember when you were born?
B: No, I was too young.

A: When the baby cries at night, Who gets up?
B: The whole neighborhood.

A: This baby of mine could be president.
B: Who has ever heard of a baby president?

2011-03-29 00:11:28 補充：
A: What book do you like best?
B: My husband's checkbook.

A: It took me a whole year to write a book.
B: Stupid. You can buy one for fifty cents.

A girl goes in a library
she shouts "I want a burger and a coke!!"
and the librarian says
"ma'am, this is a library......."
"oops sorry" "i want a burger and a coke" she wispered.

NEXT

one day a man phones to the restaurant
"yes here is XXX restaurant"
"hm.. sorry u do take away?"
"yes. we do take away"
"u do do take away!?"
"yes we do do take away"
"so what is 6 substract from 12...."
"....................."