I feel like I've wasted my youth years?

I just turned 17 and I feel like my youth has been wasted. As a kid I was weird and stuff but I had some fun times and then when I became a teenager I got picked on for being different and I have also struggled with depression. Freshman year I started thinking that I wasted my youth and I got a little depressed because of it but somehow I came to peace with myself and started acting like a kid again. I acted like a normal teenager at first but then I started becoming to much like a kid and I became too innocent and all of a sudden I got bullied again sophomore year and started drinking and cutting (only did this for a month)

I have so many problems and stuff and I've struggled with depression almost all of my life. I mean I can be funny at times and carefree and people can think I'm funny and that's the real me but a lot of the times I hate myself. I've visualized what I've wanted my teenage years to be like. Just chilling with people, smoking weed, cruising, listening to rock music, and being adventurous. I feel like ok maybe 11-16 wasn't good but 17-25 can be great and then at times I think that people are starting to become more serious about careers and stuff and I feel like I don't want to grow up. I just want to be a normal, healthy, carefree, chill teenager and I feel like its not the same when your older. I could've had great high school years and I could've redeemed myself multiple times but I didn't becuase I'm stupid. Help?