Once upon a time ,there was a beautiful village .A monkey and his son were cheerful while they were living in here but suddenly occur the event was about the village .
But occurred the thing ,they saw the village was none .oh they said how can I do ?how ?although they were not a superman and the badman ,nonetheless ,they had the heart , so they went to rescue the hostage .
In the rescuing ,they had lot f difficulty ,some difficultly was they not encounter it .why they were brave ? They can solve all the difficulty while they had the heart . It made they courageous . So they depended on heart ,they solve all difficulty . Finally ,they rescued everyone and they defeated the
This story accrue to principle for me . As there can never be unsolvable problem . As long as we have the heart to overcome it .there was nothing we can't overcome it .
唔該各位網友可唔可以幫我改grammar
2011-02-04 5:29 am
回答 (3)
2011-02-04 8:46 am
✔ 最佳答案
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful village. There were a monkey father and his son. They lived very happy in this village. However, there was something happening in which disturbed the peacefulness of here.All of a sudden, they couldn’t figure how to solve this incident. They thought that although they were not superman or batman, but due to their kind-heart, therefore they went to rescue the hostage.
During the rescue, they faced lots of difficulties however they were incapable to deal some of them. Why they were brave? They could solve all the difficulties because they had compassion and sympathy.This provided them a force to power them on helping the hostage. As they acted from their consciences, finally they could save a lot of innocent lives. At last, the enemies were defeated.
The moral of this story is to teach us anything can be overcome by us with true loves and our hearts. Problems in this short story:1. Incomplete story2. Why there was suddenly an incident coming out?3. Why there was a hostage issue in the middle of the story?There were a lot of grammatical errors that affect the reader to understand the whole layer out of your story. These mistakes or errors occurred frequently which lead to awkward meaning throughout the story line.
參考: My own English language skills
2011-02-05 12:57 am
Once upon a time ,there was a beautiful village .A monkey and his son lived happily there but suddenly some incident happened,
Although they were neither superman nor batman they both had a kind heart, which enpowered them to help the hostage.
During the rescue of the hostage, they encountered lots of difficulties. However, the difficulties had been overcome because of their bravery and compassion.
Finally, they saved all the hostage and innocent and defeated the villain.
The morale of this story is that diffulties can be overcomed as long as we can face it bravely. People with bravery, love and compassion always defect the evils and overcome any difficulties or problem
Although they were neither superman nor batman they both had a kind heart, which enpowered them to help the hostage.
During the rescue of the hostage, they encountered lots of difficulties. However, the difficulties had been overcome because of their bravery and compassion.
Finally, they saved all the hostage and innocent and defeated the villain.
The morale of this story is that diffulties can be overcomed as long as we can face it bravely. People with bravery, love and compassion always defect the evils and overcome any difficulties or problem
2011-02-04 5:42 pm
?? -- 是代表「部份內容不清晰」,故此未能作文法上的修改
大寫字母 -- 是代表「已修改改的文法」
__________________________
Once upon a time ,there was a beautiful village . A monkey and his son LIVED HAPPILY THERE. UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETHING BAD occurED TO the villageRS .
(But occurred the thing ,they saw the village was none?? ALL OF THE VILLAGERS DISAPPEARED SUDDENLY.) The MONKEY AND HIS SON BECAME DESPERATE, SAYING “WHAT can WE DO TO HELP THE VILLAGERS ?” Although they were not AS POWERFUL AS a superman, they had the PASSION TO HELP THE VILLAGERS. So they went to rescue the hostageS .
DURING the rescuE ,they FACED A lot OF difficultIES, some OF WHICH they FOUND DIFFICULT TO MANAGE. HOWEVER, THEY WERE brave AND PERSISTENT ENOUGH TO FACE THEM. Finally ,they MANAGED TO rescue every VILLAGER and defeated the villain.
Remarks:
1. In my opinion, you need to polish the content. Try to describe a bit more about the villain and what had happened between the villagers and the villain.
2. The final paragraph is a bit redundant and therefore I tried to make it precise.
2011-02-04 09:53:29 補充：
THE MORAL OF This story for me IS THAT there ARE NOT ANY unsolvable problemS . As long as we have the WILLING heart, there ARE nothing we CANNOT overcome.
大寫字母 -- 是代表「已修改改的文法」
__________________________
Once upon a time ,there was a beautiful village . A monkey and his son LIVED HAPPILY THERE. UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETHING BAD occurED TO the villageRS .
(But occurred the thing ,they saw the village was none?? ALL OF THE VILLAGERS DISAPPEARED SUDDENLY.) The MONKEY AND HIS SON BECAME DESPERATE, SAYING “WHAT can WE DO TO HELP THE VILLAGERS ?” Although they were not AS POWERFUL AS a superman, they had the PASSION TO HELP THE VILLAGERS. So they went to rescue the hostageS .
DURING the rescuE ,they FACED A lot OF difficultIES, some OF WHICH they FOUND DIFFICULT TO MANAGE. HOWEVER, THEY WERE brave AND PERSISTENT ENOUGH TO FACE THEM. Finally ,they MANAGED TO rescue every VILLAGER and defeated the villain.
Remarks:
1. In my opinion, you need to polish the content. Try to describe a bit more about the villain and what had happened between the villagers and the villain.
2. The final paragraph is a bit redundant and therefore I tried to make it precise.
2011-02-04 09:53:29 補充：
THE MORAL OF This story for me IS THAT there ARE NOT ANY unsolvable problemS . As long as we have the WILLING heart, there ARE nothing we CANNOT overcome.
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