英文文法!8:30之前請回答!急(20)

我都係小六^^黃色的是錯的答案
On the first day,my family and I went to the Ocean Park.We arrived early in the morning.When we bought ticket,we saw many people were playing and eating.We took photo with cartoon doll.They were very cute.In the afternoon,we had lunch and rode on a cable car.A lot of trees under us.We were very excited!

On the second day,we went to the Peak in the evening.We rode on a tram to the Peak.It was very interesting!When we arrived on the Peak,the sun was hot.We saw a view of Hong Kong.It was very beautiful!We were happy!

On this two days,we are happy and exciting!

2011-01-04 20:08:15 補充：
On this two days,we +were+ happy and exciting!

2011-01-04 20:22:59 補充：
改了

2011-01-04 20:25:27 補充：
你錯的有:Ocean Park had lunch rode on under us rode was hot

2011-01-04 20:29:58 補充：
你錯的有:Ocean Park had lunch rode on under us rode was hot happy and excited we were happy

2011-01-04 20:38:37 補充：
[email protected]

2011-01-04 20:40:43 補充：
下抄的

2011-01-05 17:57:30 補充：
[email protected] msn

2011-01-05 17:58:32 補充：
cartoon doll要唔要加s?
要

On the first day, my family and I went to the Ocean Park. We arrived early in the morning. After we bought our tickets, we saw many people playing and eating. We even took photos with the cartoon doll. They were very cute. In the afternoon, we had lunch and rode on a cable car. There were alot of trees under the cable car we were in. We were very excited!

On the second day, we went to the Peak in the evening. We took a cable car to the Peak. It was very interesting! When we arrived at the Peak,the sun was setting. We saw a view of Hong Kong. It was very beautiful! We were happy!

On this two days, we were happy and excited.

On the first day, my family and I went to Ocean Park. We arrived early in the morning. When we bought our tickets, we saw many people playing and eating. We took photo of a cartoon doll. The doll was very cute. In the afternoon, we had lunch and rode on a cable car. A lot of trees are under us. We were very excited!

On the second day, we went to the Peak in the evening. We rode on a Peak cable car to the Peak. It was very interesting! When we arrived at the Peak, the sun was setting. We had a view of Hong Kong. It was very beautiful and we were happy!

On these two days, we were happy and excited!


Comment:
We saw many people (were) playing and eating.
The word “were” should be deleted.

We took photo of a cartoon doll.
We should use “of”.
We took photo with my digital camera.

The doll was very cute.
Doll is singular noun, a singular verb is used here.

…. Arrived at the Peak…
Personally I prefer to use “at”.

We had a view of Hong Kong
“saw a view” – wrong usage


2011-01-04 22:10:34 補充：
Correction:

A lot of trees were under us. (correct)

The word "are" should be replaced with "were".

2011-01-05 03:51:38 補充：
I simply proofread Pak Ho's version. Credit should be given to him. Thanks, Pak Ho.

On the first day, my family and I went to Ocean Park. We arrived early in the morning. When we bought our tickets, we saw many people were playing and eating. We took photo with a cartoon doll. The doll were very cute. In the afternoon, we had lunch and rode on a cable car. A lot of trees are under us. We were very excited!

On the second day, we went to the Peak in the evening. We rode on a Peak cable car to the Peak. It was very interesting! When we arrived on the Peak, the sun was setting. We saw a view of Hong Kong. It was very beautiful, and we were happy!

On these two days, we were happy and excited!

On the first day,my family and I went to the o cean p ark.We arrived early in the morning.When we bought ticket ,we saw many people were playing and eating.We took photo with cartoon doll .They were very cute.In the afternoon,we have lunch and road on a cable car.A lot of trees under we .We were very excited!


In the afternoon,we have lunch and road on a cable car.

On the second day,we went to the Peak in the evening.We road on a Peak cable car to the Peak.It was very interesting!When we arrived on the Peak,the sun set.We saw a view of Hong Kong.It was very beautiful!We were happy!

On this two days,we are happy and exciting!


(間住既係錯既,我小5)