Grammar checking + vocab impro

Cash killerKiller

2010-12-19 9:27 am

Our dream holidayThe early bird catches the worm. But young birds cannot fly. Can’t they catch it? Yes, if you give them the chance. We are a group of 18-year-old teenagers who want to do something special in our lives. We have planned for the tour but we are lacking of capital. Therefore, we are writing to capture the opportunity of the free tour. By the subsidy, our dreams would come true! Please support our ideas.Once, we grumbled that we have not been to many countries. We have stayed in Hong Kong only. But we are not satisfying o this. Hence, we planned for a 7-day trip to travel around Europe in order to see and learn as much as possible. Many a little makes a mickle. We finally decided to visit Holland, Germany, France, Spain and several cities. Our holiday must be exhausting and at time a rush!Our itineraryFirst, we would stay in Germany for 2 days. We planned to visit the Berlin Wall in order to learn more about German culture. Further, we would celebrate with the local German for the Beer Festival, the most famous festival in Germany. By the chance, we can enjoy a variety of cosines and share the joy with them.Second, we would stay in France for 2 days. We decided to buy luxury bags in Paris for reselling. The people in Hong Kong love them a lot. We want to improve our business senses through the trip. I am sure we can have a huge success. More, we can visit the Paris Tower to see the beautiful view of Paris. As you know, the Paris Tower is one of the famous landmarks in France. We cannot miss it!Third, we would stay in Holland for 2days. In the 2 days, we will find our pen-friend, Rafael, a nice and friendly Dutch, We may have different activities provided by him. He is good a t organizing different types of activities. I am sure we would feel very joyful!

回答 (1)

AceOfSpades

2010-12-19 3:52 pm

✔ 最佳答案

Our dream holidayWe are a group of 18-year-old teenager who (wanted) to do something special in our lives. We have planned for (a) tour but we are lacking of capital. Therefore, we are writing this, hoping that we can get an opportunity for a free tour. (If we could) get subsidize, our dreams would come true! Please support our ideas.We always grumble that we have not been to many countries. We have stayed in Hong Kong for (all our lives). But we are not (satisfy) (with) this. Hence, we planned for a 7-day trip to travel around Europe (so as) to see and learn as much as possible. We (have) finally decided to visit Holland, Germany, France, Spain and several cities. Our holiday must be exhausting because our planned itinerary is (a mad) rush!First, we would stay in Germany for 2 days. We planned to visit the Berlin Wall in order to learn more about German culture. (Next), we (would like to) celebrate with the locals (in their) German Beer Festival, the most famous festival in Germany. By (any) chance, if we (get to)enjoy a variety of (cuisine) and we (would like to) share the joy with them.Second, we would stay in France for 2 days. We (have) decided to buy luxury bags in Paris for reselling. The people in Hong Kong love them a lot. We want to improve our business senses through (this) trip. I am sure we can have a huge success(es). We can visit the Paris Tower to see the beautiful view of Paris. As (all) knows, the Paris Tower is one of the famous landmarks in France. We cannot (afford to) miss it!Third, we (will) stay in Holland for 2days. In the 2 days, we will find our pen-friend, Rafael. He is a nice and friendly Dutch. We may have different activities provided by him. He is good at organizing different types of activities. I am sure we would feel very joyful!

*Edited to future tense + deleting unnecessary words+ keeping originality of language tone.

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