我的英文作文請指教

2010-12-14 5:57 am
(人類的努力使社會繁榮)這是第一句意思但總是寫不出!The humanitycauses the world to toward prosperous diligently, and oppositely, a prosperousworld make people need to face many heavy pressure, such as working problemslife problems and study problems. When I read the book take about the life ofwestern cowboy, and make me want to go to their world. The main reasons havetwo. I like their life style and the environment. First,I enjoyed their life style because there was pastoralism. Nowadays people hadample food and clothing, but a lot of food was unhealthy and dirty, becausethey had too much salt and oil, beside they were polluted by environment. Inthe 19th century western, they ate beefsteak, potatoes, baked beansand stewed dried fruit frequently. Although they looked like too normal andtasteless, they are healthy and natural. Sometimes people ate many fast foods,and when they ate the food in western and they would felt that they were poorfoods. Because of humanity prosperous, the new generation needs to upgradethemselves, and then they need to face much pressure. On the other hand, therewere an undeveloped place, so those people didn’t need to study and weren’tbusy. I like the no busy life.
更新1:

http://hk.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qid=7010121301436

更新2:

背景: Nannie Aderson是書中女主角 這是我寫的一篇19世紀西部牛仔生活文章的讀後想 由於office的能力有限,不能把所有錯誤找出, 所以需要大家幫手. 我知道自己英文水平不好,我希望大家能就著以下的問題,給予意見和改寫 1.中式英文 2.文法錯誤 3.詞不達意 4.時態問題 5.用字重複單調

回答 (2)

2010-12-17 4:41 am
✔ 最佳答案
The continuous effort of human leads to prosperity among societies. Oppositely, a prosperous world makes people face various heavy stress, such as stress from working, spending and studying. When I read the book about the life of a western cowboy, it makes me want to enter his world for two main reasons: the lifestyle and the environment. First, I enjoyed the lifestyle because there was pastoralism. Nowadays, people have ample food and clothing, but a lot of food is unhealthy and dirty. The reason is that it contains too much salt and oil, and is polluted by artificial fertilizers.
In the 19th century western society, people ate beefsteak, potatoes, baked beansand stewed dried fruit frequently. Although they look unremarkable, they are healthy and natural. Sometimes, people eat too much fast food. And, when they eat western food, they would feel eating poor foods. Because of human's prosperity, our new generation needs to upgrade themselves, and then be ready to take up pressure.
On the other hand, the book depicts an undeveloped place. Consequently, those people didn’t need to study. They weren’t busy either. I want to lead that leisurable life.
2010-12-14 3:44 pm
Try writing something simpler and organise ideas in order. Single idea in one sentence follow by an explaination:

Example :
1)Humans make the world beautiful.
What is beautiful? Why is beautiful?

2) People faces many problems in life.
What are the problems? How is it affecting people's life?

To connect one idea to another you need linking words, in English, we call it conjunctions. When you see something that's of opposite meaning, use: but, however, nevertheless, despite of, etc.

Example : (connecting two different ideas in one sentence)
If we see beauty is something that can not relate with problems. We say : The world might be beautiful but people still faces problem in life.

Example 2: (connecting two different ideas in two sentences)
The world is beautiful and many people are happy. This however, does not come easy without humans having to face problems in life.

Your writing isn't too good. All ideas are scrambled. Try organising your ideas in points. Connect one point to another. It's better to be clear than to be confusingly complex. Hope you see why.

Stay connected.
:)


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