請幫我改這篇讀後感.

建議:

1.將文章內的第一句前段和第二句連在一起看似會通順一點, 因有較大的相關意思.

2. one of slow exercise 改 one of the slow exercises . 很多...的種類之一 => 加 "the" and "s", 或 light exercises 較常見, 但亦ok.

3. is suitable 改 seems suitable, is = 是(肯定) ; seems = 看似. 因你還沒試過, 用 "看似" 似較合理小小. 最多 eminently suitable = 極其, 何等的, 相當的 適合 或 簡單地 more suitable or more likely suitable.

4. different age groups 可改為 all kinds of people 或 generations = 年代的人較合適點.
a. 從英語角度, 論點由宏觀到微觀, 時間由遠到近, 列表由近到遠..等 ;
b. 在往後字眼也有提及這點 ;
c. 而且法例上也有管制對年齡, 性別等之分. "age"盡量可免則免.

5. include old people 改為 including elderly 或 especially with elderly....

6. It became 改 It has become. 因在時間上的比喻, 應用過去完成式.

7. popular sport 可改 commonly acceptable 較正確反映那程度, 並非流行運動(例如老人/小孩相對小), 只是普及接受程度比以前高一點.

8. in the past ten years 改 since the recent years, "自近年來"似貼切..點點. 因太指定的時間定位, 太大不確實性. 但亦可以.

9. Honestly 可改為 Anyway 或 However 也是個好選擇. Honestly, 亦可接受.

10. I never 改為 I have never = 我一直沒有 ; played 可改為 learned, tried, attended 或 had Yoga exercise, had Yoga practise, had Yoga lesson等. 因 Yoga特別點點, 是心法和行為上練習, 但視乎動詞的普遍被選用趨向, 大多數用 practise. play心法 較少用.

11. I will try it 改為 I will have a try 或 I am happy to have a try. 因是消費/收費項目, 所以用 have+... like: have my haircut.. have my computer repaired.. have my car serviced..

12. chance 似有點..沒誠意的說法, 因這chance很高, 只是原因....like: if Weiwei goes then I go.. if my parent take me there..if there is a free trial..when I grow up 等等...

I think Yoga is one of the light exercises that seems eminently suitable for all kinds of people, especially with elderly and unhealthy people. It has become commonly acceptable since the recent years. However, I have never had a Yoga lesson, I am happy to have a try if there is a free trial. (意味着想但有點貴) ; I am going to have a try when next summer holiday. (意味着想但忙著學業)

Anyway, your article is very good, sorry for my picky opinion.

Yoga is a kind of exercise and people usually do it slowly. It became a popular sport in the past ten years. Yoga is suitable for all ages,includes the elderly, unhealthy people, female and male. Although I never play yoga, if I have chance I will try it.

2010-12-04 20:18:48 補充：
Yoga is a kind of static exercise. It became more and more popular inthe past ten years. Yoga is suitable for all king of people,including the elderly, unhealthy people, female and male.Honestly,I have never played yoga.However, I will try it if I have chance.







這是我參考了其他人的答案所作的修訂~=]

2010-12-06 18:14:12 補充：
sorry=] should be includes, because no including^^

I think yoga is one of the most popular static exercises. It has been becomming more and more popular in the past ten years. Yoga is suitable for dall kinds of people, including elderly, unhealthy people, female and male. Honestly, I have never played yoga before but I would like to try in the future.