有冇 人可以幫我改grammer 啊

作文章要擭取好成績, 除Grammer外, 還有很多東西呢 ! 明顯地, 是沒留意這些了.

主題,
副題刻劃,
形式/結構規劃,
方向構思,
詞語/成語/形容詞,
以至附加故事等等. 以此文章為例...


現加,香港巳經係一個金融市場,但係香港唔單只係金融市場,仲係一個購物天堂

係香港,你可以係超級市場買道既食物黎自唔同國家.係九龍城,你可以食道唔同國家既食物.咁樣係好方便因為你唔需要去嗰個國家食喇.係旺角,你可以買既衫係又靚,又有民俗色彩.

Hong kong
Nowadays ,hk become a finance market but I think hong kong not only is finance market but also is shopping paradise In hong kong ,you can buy the food which is come from in different country in the supermarket .in kowloon city , you can eat the food come from different country .it is convient because you not need to go the countryalso ,hk is the shopping paradise .in mong kok ,you can buy the clothes which are beautiful and folk .so I think hong kong is the shopping paradise .1.太醜的從複字眼和字句: but / shopping paradise / finance market / country or different country / I think.2. 太醜的用詞: finance market=金融市場/股票市場=/=國際金融中心; different country=不同的國家=/=來自各國
3. 經常的口語法: I think / the / you can. the xxx=那個/那種/那類=口語"果D"
4. 太醜的結構: 2xfinance market + 3xshopping paradise => 2句xfood + 1句xshopping 主題,
地方 => 香港
副題刻劃,
帶出主題和話題吸引之處: 金融 + 購物 + 食, (玩呢 ?)
金融市場: ? 咩咁特別 ? 99%國家有金融市場 ! (其他名呢 ?)
購物天堂: 典解 ? 有咩買 ? 定有咩地方 ? (那個重點呢 ?)
食: 典解 ? 有咩食 ? 定有咩地方食 ? 超級市場都係好地方呀 ? (那個重點呢 ?)
形式/結構規劃,
第三者介紹方式 or 故事 / 個人體驗 形式. (不同Tense+..=Grammer !) 太多"你" 和重複字眼.
用多小字, 以至句 ? (要求字數而定)
用多小段 和 每段內容:
例: 1.開始, 2.金融, 3.購物, 4.食 5.地方, 6. 結論. (要求字數而定)
方向構思,
=> 主題開始 -> 副題=原因+經驗 -> 結論: 正面 or 負面.
詞語/成語/形容詞,
=> 色彩 + 靈魂 + 感覺 + 心思 + 妝飾. 例: 國際知名..leadership..五光十色..價廉物美, 心頭嗜..美酒佳餚...美食都會..地道風味... FUSION CITY..
以至附加故事/特點.
你有九龍城, 旺角.. 可再特色點嗎 ? (要求字數而定)
例: 蘭桂坊, 山頂, Disneyland, Ocean Park, Women Street, Tempo Street...

2010-12-03 16:49:31 補充：
種類: 食 =/= 購物

哇~ 中煙對罩, Cool ! 真聰綿既做摑呀. 等喎, 試e沙, ok !
第一電, 典解更多拔架, 生句唔嘪就拔一拔, 係又拔唔係又拔, 徒5徒呢!
第二電, 典解又更多U既, 神日U黎U處, 蔗紹既語摑5係緊架! 笨5煙佳用U天!

喎..夠你一果時空交錯既語摑黎楷始吖.. 欄后, 達出果紙題既寫作方摑.. 蔗紹"山~廣~"

Hong Kong, has been a well known international finance centre for years. Nowadays, shopping in Hong Kong is become more likely reputable feature than ever that given an appellation of "Shopping Paradise".

In Hong Kong, there are thousands of favourable food products from over the world that are available in supermarkets, and hundreds of restaurants serving delicious international cuisines in Kowloon City. It is the city offers the most convenient option for the food hunters to stop travelling all the way arround. Mongkok, is a rainbow city offers bargain opportunities to pick up the greatest prizes and folk customs.

2010-11-30 05:04:48 補充：
喎..要渣多句..喎~艾~山~廣~呀

HK
Hong Kong is not only a finance market but also a shopping paradise.
Althought HK is a tiny city, it always gives people surpise. HK is divided into three parts, they are Hong Kong, Kowloon and New T. In Hong Kong, there are food from all over the world. So that people can get the food they want all the time. Beside food, people can always buy clothes with the best bargain.

sorry >< ...我幫你作過篇,,,kowloon city 同 hong kong 你唔應該repeat 有好多野食, 英文唔同中文,你唔可以咁講

我推薦您一個非常不錯的英語學習網站，里面有很多非常不錯的學習資源：

http://www.hkenglishstudy.info

希望可以幫到你!