幫我對一對英文e_mail

to: [email protected]
subject : There have (are) TWO questions about my Tenancy Agreement

>> there 後面係好少用have 既, 一係用i have, 一係there are. 但係如果係subject of email, 我會用: enquires about the tenancy agreement, 咁樣formal一d


Dear sir/madam,

I am Alice Lee,student number is 1055608.
>> 用: My name is Alice Lee (Student number: 1055608) 咁樣會好一D, 因為係書信黎講, 好少會寫到明student number is xxxx 的... 用 ( ) 就會好一d

Thank you for your letter about my application for a place in St.peter school Residences .
>> 我估你係講緊hall 果一d 野, 唔駛咁長既, 可以用: Thank you for your letter regarding my application for the Hall of residences in St.peter school. 用regard 會好過用about, 因為formal 一d, 而咁樣寫好過你用 St.peter school Residences, 有一種港式既味道...

But there had two problems about my Tenancy Agreement .
>> but 唔會用係開頭, 因為你自己去信去問, 用first person 就最好不過了:
I have two concerns about my tenancy agreement. 唔好用problem, problem 即係你講緊佢錯, 好direct, 用concerns會好d, 因為太直接, 俾人個印象都唔好啦. 而tenancy agreement, 唔駛大草, 因為都唔係d咩特別名

First , my Address is FLAT B, 12 / F ROOM B .Second , when I decide what time I arrival should I inform to you ?
>> Firstly, I would like to confirm my address, which is XXXXX instead of XXXX 因為見到, 好似佢寫左錯你合地址wor, 咁樣就要指出邊一個先係啱既, 如果就咁俾個address 佢, 佢都唔知你做乜... Secondly, do I need to inform you my arrival time in advance? 咁樣講緊, 要唔要早D 同佢講定先... 你原本果句.. 係中文直譯=_="

If you have any problem about my application for accommodation,please contact me via my e-mail address([email protected]).

>> If you require any other extra information regarding my application, please feel free to contact me through email. My email address is [email protected] 你而家係希望如果有咩問題就搵你, 但你原本果句, 就講到, 佢好似係你下屬, 吩咐緊佢如果有問題就搵你.. 咁樣樣, 唔係好啱, 轉一轉佢, shww 到俾佢睇,如果唔夠info, 你係會提供俾佢, 咁會好一d.

yours faithfully,
>> 如果係我, 我會用: Regards, Alice formal 既信, 都係用regards 多既...
alice

黃色highlight左既, 就係幫你改左既內容, copy 番哂highlight 左既字, 就係你成封信了, 再check 一check, 冇問題就可以send 出去了.

But there had two problems about my Tenancy Agreement

應該寫 But i have two problems about my tenancy agreement

my Address is FLAT B, 12 / F ROOM B .
問題句子 應該寫 Is my adress FLAT B, 12 / F ROOM B
鬼佬慣用 i want to confirm my Address is FLAT B, 12 / F ROOM B .


when I decide what time I arrival should I inform to you

May i need to inform for you when i arrival time

整個評語, chinese english

到：[email protected]
題目：有兩個問題對我的租賃協議


尊敬的先生/女士，

我艾麗絲李，學生編號是1055608。謝謝你的來信對我的申請，一個地方在聖彼得學校宿舍。但有兩個問題，我的租賃協議。首先，我的地址是12樓 B /女房B。其次，當我決定我什麼時候到來，我應該告訴你嗎？如果您有任何問題對我的申請住宿，請與我聯繫通過我的電子郵件地址（[email protected]）。


此致
艾麗斯