I'm lost here I don't know what to do or if it's petty?

If you want to talk, why don't you ask him how his day is or what's going on in his life? Why do you believe he should be the person in charge of starting conversations?

Here is the problem:

1. You're expecting him to act like a woman. He's not a woman; he's a man. Men don't communicate with their mouths. They communicate with their actions.

2. He's expecting you to act like a man. You're not a man; you're a woman. And women communicate orally. You talk, listen, think about it, and let it stir around for a few days. That's why when he does look at you and says "I love you!", it gives you a warm glowing thrill.

Both of you sound either young, or immature. Neither one of you seems to understand what the opposite gender is all about, save different body parts....

...which, interestingly, is all they teach in school these days.

So, I think you two should break up, and relearn what it means to be your own gender IN RELATION to the other gender.

He needs to learn that some communication is obligated, because it is a need of his woman.

And you need to learn, that communication for him is mostly nonverbal, and to not take offense when a man isn't a chatter box around you.

If you can do this together, great.

But either way, you both have to learn what the opposite gender needs, wants, and desires...and basically how they opperate.

Good Luck!

You are being petty on this. When he comes home today, dress up in a teddy and make all his wishes come true. Why not show him you appreciate him for what all he does instead of trying to find fault with everything?

Maybe you should try counseling? If that is not an option then you have to realize that you have only been together for 9 months and this is driving you nuts. Do you really want to spend another 9 months being unhappy? Life is to short to be stuck in something that is not fufilling your needs too. I do feel its human to look at other humans and admire them but looking and gawking is another story. Out of respect to you he should not be gawking. Good luck with whatever decision that you make.

Exactly what does he do for work? The reason I ask is that people sometimes have a hard time leaving the work they do in it's own space and time. My work is very people oriented and I find myself looking around and evaluating behavior and yada almost everywhere I go. I have also discovered that I learn more by listening than I do by talking so I am not much of a conversationalist; in my work when I speak people pay attention very closely as I deal with that old green stuff called money that all humans seem to hold near and dear. Why don't you take a step back and try and broaden your understanding; at least you are thinking enough to wonder about it.

People are all different some have a much greater need to be making noise for it's own sake than other people do. Many many times in my 25 years of marriage i turned the hose on my husband or some of his friends because they wouldn't shut up and let me think. As to looking at women passing by, take him places with televisions and sports channels. he just needs to see motion to keep him happy. lighten up and give the boy a break. men don't last forever. but the day you look back and laugh at growing up together, and loving and fighting will i hope last me until the end of my days. Love him while you have him and if the worst thing he ever does is be quiet and look at girls once in a while, and he's been properly toilet trained already,count yourself amongst the truly blessed.

Every relationship, every place, every time - some problems are just flat not solvable. But people adapt, forgive, accept, whatever...and still get irritated over what they thought they had adapted, forgiven, accepted, whatevered.

Low communication is OK for some couples. It is death for others. Why? Because it is. The reason doesn't even matter. You - your heart, your generosity - is the measure of whether this is OK.

Ultimately, no objective test will guide you. Your guy is a Shrek, an untalkative ogre. So? You take him as you find him, not as he might be in the future. That's the way you want him to take you - needing assurance and communication much more than him.

If you can't live with Shrek's personality, don't pretend it's not important. Nobody should tell you it's not important. Many people marry believing they can get the other person to change. A lot of divorces from that attitude.

The moral of the movie Shrek is that, all things taken together, the ogre was actually a better person than Prince Charming. Weird, huh? Not really. A lot of happily married people picked the ogre and are glad that they did.

You are faced with two simple issues
1 Poor communications which leave you unfulfilled and left out
2 bad/low self esteem which makes you uncomfortable about him staring at other women, etc.

If you fix your self esteem/worth and get some self confidence, that will improve your communications because you will learn exactly how to challenge his staring and improve your communications skills in awkward and every day situations.
If you improve your communication skills and learn to say what you need to say in any given situation (him staring at girls) which may bring him out - his communication skills may improve and you will be able to discuss and resolve your issues such as his staring and his silence, etc.

re: I have told him that the communicating is killing me but he says we love each other and if we don't talk about things I still love you why is it a problem?
.....It's more likely that he just doesn't KNOW HOW to speak up and share his mind with you but doesn't want to openly admit it or maybe doesn't even realize that he should be more expressive - at least with you.


So am I being petty or is it a legit reason to break up?
...... It's more about learning how and finding solutions than just running off to another (troubled) relationship. You both need to learn how to communicate better - not just him.

Honey you sound like 2 very separate personality types. He is introverted and passive. You are not.

It is not a "reason to break up" but these differences are often the cause of a break ups.

Have you communicated to him how you feel about the ogling that he is doing?

Keep in mind that most men do not share their day or talk about what happened...their way of dealing is NOT talking about things and relaxing. Women tend to need to vent about their day and need that outlet.

All that aside, you do not sound very happy with him. It really doesn't matter how many good things a person does (he helps, pays, comes home) what matters is - Does he make YOU happy? Nine months is actually early in a relationship. You are probably just now realizing that he is not right for you.

In relationships, GOOD communication is key to have a healthy and happy relationship. It seems you guys have a few things to work out here. #1. If your man doesn’t talk to you, there is something major going on and he expects you to deal with it. #2. He’s looking at other women in your presence and doesn’t care if you catch him; another major problem with your relationship. Love is an action word and you show it all the time. Wanting to resolve your problems is by far the best thing to do but to ignore it, not to speak of it is only a trap that I recommend you not be a victim of. No one can expect you to take this type of abuse, he doesn’t respect you, sorry to say but men will only do what you allow them to do. You should be able to talk about whatever’s on your heart, if you really loves you, he would listen and change what is breaking your heart. And stop looking at other women, he’s very disrespectful and you seem to have a good heart and deserves better then what he’s giving you. Again, love brings you closer together and you want to share it with the world. He should have the desire to seat with you, hold you heart, show physical contact with you…you should be telling him, keep your hands to yourself in public, etc. what lovers do in public, kiss, hug, etc…don’t allow yourself to be mistreated like this, he isn’t faithful I am sure you thought about this too right? Look at the signs, I tell you what, pick-up his cell phone and start looking thru it and see how he responds to this…if he flips out, “red flag” time to run for the hills… Don’t you think you deserve better in yourself?

No not petty at all to keep a realtionship good you need to talk to each other! how else are you going to know each other, you need to be each others shoulder good days and bad, I would also though think the looking at other women would be an issue and tell him to, but no not petty, maybe not at this reason a legit reason to break up but if something werent to change soon i would deffantly start packing,