我的英文好差,各位大大幫手改善我遍中四作文!!!

照我噉寫、包你攞一百分。

I woke up early last sunday. I felt hungry but there was not any food at home, so I had to go alone to the restaurant nearby.
It was a particularly hot day and my sweat drenched my entire body. It was painstaking and most importantly, I was yearning for a girlfriend.
At the fast food restaurant, I chose my favourite food : milk and eggs. As I was waiting for my order, I thought about what my ideal girlfriend should look like. Then suddenly, I saw a wonderful girl who had dark hair, pale skin and large round eyes. She paid for her breakfast and took her meal from the counter.
My chance came as soon as the girl walked away from the counter, as she seemed to have left her handbag right there. I promptly picked it up and was determined to take it to her.
I caught up with her and I thought I should ask for her phone number after that. She was sitting by herself at a very quiet corner.
As I was about to return the handbag to her, a fat angry woman yelled from behind me, ''Hey!"
I was shocked and the beautiful girl was also surprised. The fat woman said loudly, "That's my handbag!" and the beautiful girl cried out, "Oh, you are a
thief!"
Then, the fat woman took her handbag from me and called the police.
Fortunately, the fat woman's fat daughter explained my mistake, and the
beautiful girl said sorry to me.
After that, the fat woman's fat daughter fell in love with me, but I was in love with the beautiful girl. What a complicated relationship amongst us!

2010-08-21 01:14:59 補充：
對唔住．．．最後嗰段 “So a complicated relationship began among us.” 可以改為 “And so began our complicated relationship.”

To kwok ping:

No such word "earlily". Use "early".

"a ideal girlfriend". Should be "an ideal friend"?

"paid her breakfast" should be "paid for her breakfast."
I paid $200 for the meal.

No offence.The proofreading is of benefit to Choi文堅.

2010-08-22 07:33:49 補充：
Sorry. Typo error:
"a ideal girlfriend". should be "an ideal girlfriend".

Last Sunday, I woke up earily. I felt hungry but there was not any food at home.
So I had to go to the restaurant nearby alone.
That day was particularly hot and my sweat flowed around my body. I was
so painful and the more important thing for me was that I was yearning for a
ideal girl friend.
At the fast food restaurant, I chose my favourite food : milk and eggs . W hen I was waiting
for the food, I thought about what my ideal girl friend looked like.Suddenly
I saw a wonderful girl who had a pair of big eyes, white skin and dark hair. She
paid her breakfast and took her breakfast from the counter.
As soon as the girl walked away from the counter, my chance came because I
saw a handbag on the counter. I picked it up and determined to take it to her.
I found her and I thought I had to ask for her phone number after that. She was
just alone sitting at a very quiet corner.
When I was returning the handbag to her, suddenly a fat angry woman yelled behind
me, ''Hey! '' I was afraid and the beautiful girl was also surprised. The fat woman
said loudly," That's my handbag " and the beautiful girl cried out, "Oh, you are a
thief!" Then the fat woman took her handbag from me and called the police.
Forturately, the fat woman's fat daughter explained my mistake.Then the
beautiful girl said sorry to me.
After that, the fat woman's fat daughter loved me, but I was in love with the beautiful girl. What a complicated relationship among us!

(It is not a poor composition. The content is quite good!)
文法不算差, 內容不錯呢!