請問我英文信的文法好唔好, 有沒有有地方需要改善?

不想自暴其短便不要在信中重覆一些形容詞(reputed加上這是用錯詞性)和把學校的名稱(xxx kindergarden nursery)-難度我係校長都唔知我間學校叫乜名並要你讚賞一番嗎？所以可以簡單地編輯如下：

Dear Mr./Ms.Principal, We are the parents of XXX, writing to you in hope for your consideration to admit our son to your nursery. The reason of sending you this special letter because our son was born in Oct 2009, therefore he will not be reaching 2 years old until after the general admission in Sep. Thus, we wish to ask for a reservation of admission by Nov this year. We’ve studied the school policy of your Kindergarten Nursery and met your staff and pupils in public events with much enlightenment. We will be honored to have my son placed in your care and provided with such quality education. We hope our son will be given the chance to begin schooling early in life to explore many aspects of childhood development at your school. We will be glad if you may have the time to meet with us and our son in person to get to know each other more. You may contact me at 12345678 to set up a meeting time to show you our sincere hope that this enrollment arrangement can be made. Copies of my son’s certificates and testimonials are enclosed for your consideration. Yours truly, XXXXXX希望是簡而清，省卻大部份恭維的說話和一些跟你身份不符的語調，免得假如有朝一日校長面見你們便會發覺你並不是如信中所言地把幼兒院學習說成建立社會楝樑咁嚴重的那個人。

我覺得Jenkin封信ge內容都OK，不過有D Grammar錯左，同埋有D唔通暢…以下是更改後的：

Dear Principal【Principal前面唔洗加Ms/Mrs，咁用唔得】,

We【如果你下款得一個人，就要將全部We改I】 are the parents of XXX. 【分開2句好d，有禮貌d】We are writing in hope for your consideration to admit XXX to your school【Nursey即托兒學校，是托兒學校嗎？】. As our son was born in Oct 2009, he will not be reaching 2 years old at the time of the general admission in September.【用Until唔岩，因為係想講Sept都未夠2歲】 Therefore, we hope your school could reserve a place for XXX by November this year.【唔用wish，因為wish多用係一D實現唔到ge事；reserve a place 即留學位，無reservation of admission呢樣野】

We have studied your school policy and are certain that XXX can grow and learn well in your school. 【因study school policy同met their staff係2樣野，最好分開呢講】We have also met your staff and pupils in public events and they have gave us a good impression【enlightement?啟蒙？】. We would be appreciated and honored to have XXX brought up and educated in your school during his early life. We hope XXX will be given the chance to start schooling early to explore many aspects of childhood development at your school.【Schooling係noun ，唔可以跟being；我覺得 to explore many aspects of childhood development at your school怪怪地，但暫時未諗到點改，諗到再補充^^】

We would will be appreciated if you could arrange an interview for us so that we could have a thorough understanding of each other.【you may have the time <<唔會咁講】 My contact number is 12345678.

Enclosed are XXX's certificates and testimonials for your information.

Yours Sincerely,

XXXXXX

我將好多"our son"改左做你仔仔個名，咁樣會好D，唔會比人感覺只顧住自己個仔^^

2010-08-19 10:22:46 補充：
可用：Dear Principal Hung

我剛剛幫你寫了整封信的格式（加埋日期地址的位置），但補充內容只可打300字，你需要的話可Email我：

[email protected]

^^

Dear ms/mr. Principal,

Please excuse me for this unexpected letter expressing the eagerness of mine for requesting a seat for my son/daughter in your reputed school.

We are XXX parents. Our son was born on xxth Oct, 2009. On the school beginn-ing day, his aged less than two years old so not qualified into the nursery synchronization, so hope that he can be get into a class in the middle of the nurser-y when November 2011.(小兒於開學日未足兩歲故未能同步入學, 希望小兒能在2011年11月插班入讀nursery. )

We are very impressed by the education offered by your reputed school which stressed a balanced and all-rounded development of one’s potential.

The school policy esteem of XXX Kindergarten Nursery, curricular and extra-curricular and moral education in keeping good. I have met your students many times in public places, they all acted humble and polite, sanguine with smile. Principal staff for you and a public education all are highly enthusiastic to nurture the British material is indeed fortunate society. I hope that the children lucky enough to enroll your school, lively and active children, if your school principals and teachers were enlightened, certainly can build a significant achievement.
I am confident, educated the children, in addition to school education, particularly the time at home, I promise, the future in terms of academic, moral aspects, it will certainly meet your school of teaching and learning and development, education, spacious children together, become a useful person .

Copies of my son’s certificates and testimonials are enclosed for your consideration.

Regards,
Yours truly,
XXXXXXXXXX
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You must be attention for the (much or many),you are wrong of these tenses

Dear Principal,

Please excuse me for this unexpected letter expressing the eagerness of mine for requesting a seat for my son/daughter in your reputed school.

We are parents of XXX and he was born on xxth Oct, 2009. On the first day of school, he is still aged under two and hence not qualified to be admitted into the [nursery synchronization][呢個term點解要加synchronization?係special term定係咩?唔敢亂改]. We sincerely hope that he can alternatively be admitted in the middle of the academic year (i.e. November 2011).(小兒於開學日未足兩歲故未能同步入學, 希望小兒能在2011年11月插班入讀nursery. )

We are very much impressed by the education offered by your reputed school which stressed ON a balanced and all-rounded development of one’s potential.

[The school policy esteem of XXX Kindergarten Nursery, curricular and extra-curricular and moral education in keeping good.][呢句唔明] I have met your students in public places for several times , and they all acted humbly, politely, and smiled sanguinely. [Principal staff for you and a public education all are highly enthusiastic to nurture the British material is indeed fortunate society.][呢句唔明] I hope that my child will be lucky enough to be enrolled and be one of those lively kids. And this is certainly an honor and a significant achievement for our XXX to be able to be trained and enlighted by you and your staff. [呢句意思是這樣嗎?]

At the same time we can confirm you that we will by all means do our very best to facilitate school education. Specifically, we will assure that XXX's academic results and moral developments will meet your school's standard.

Copies of my son’s certificates and testimonials are enclosed for your consideration and an interview at your convenience would be much appreciated.

Regards, [唔會又regards, 又 yours truly,...你揀一個啦]
Yours truly,
XXXXX & XXXXX
Parents of XXX
=========================================================Hope 幫到你啦 =]