Ielts essay grading please?

I have composed my new ielts essay on the topic:

"Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge own sake ,regardless of whether the course is useful for an employer.
What ,in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?"

Can anybody help me grade it and give your valuable opinion?

My essay:
What knowledge and skills should a university provide have been a debatable issue. Some people argue that universities should teach their students what they need for jobs on one hand, others believe that the value of universities stands on inculcating graduates with knowledge, despite its usefulness to an employer. In my view, a good university should strike a balance between the two. That is to say, students can learn the skills needed for workplace while acquiring academic knowledge.

Of course a university has a compelling responsibility to prepare students for finding their jobs. However, a university is not a vocational training school. Indeed, the main function of universities is teaching students some theories and concepts, relating to art or science. These will become a base of their knowledge for work or further study. In my experience, self-learning, independent and critical thinking as well as thesis writing are all granted by my university.

Meanwhile, the second obligation of a university is to equip its graduates with work-related skills. It is not uncommon to see that a nursing student who knows many medications yet does not know how to give an intramuscular injection. Giving students practice skills can help them find first jobs easily and make them link theory to practice smoothly.

To sum up, a university has a very important role to play in the society as it generates people with both a high-level of academic knowledge and hands-on experience. This is not imaginable what would happen if all universities just focused on either theory or practical skills. Because of all-round talents, our cities can grow non-stop.

(268 words)