On that day, I had to do an enrolment test in Craigmore Christian School. On the way to that school, we saw countless of lakes, rivers and small villages. However facing all these spectacular views, there was just a blank in my mind as I knew I was not really there to enjoy myself.
We parked in a playground next to Craigmore Christian School at around 12. Soon I stepped out the car I already felt the uneasiness atmosphere. The sky no longer clear and sunny, the gloomy clouds swallowed the fire ball, the whole sky was turning into darkness. The deathly breeze blew alongside the road which flickered the faded leaves, as we walked down the silent route to school all forms of life seemed to be hiding. After the two minute’s walk, we went in the school and talked to the front office about the enrolment detail. After another five minutes waiting, a middle age lady took me away from my uncle. She pointed me to go to a classroom upstairs. At that time, I felt my heart pounding so loud, I was really nervous as I knew this is an important moment of my life.
I reluctantly went up the stairs. In the midway on the stairs, I realised my body was trembling and I had to hold on the handrail to sustain myself not falling down. I am not sure if it was caused by the cold weather or the nervousness. Anyway I gradually reached the top floor and went in the room. Inside the room, the supervisor nicely introduced himself. His friendly smile gave me a bit of relief under all these hard time that I had been through. But as soon as I knew this test might affect the rest of my life, my hand would then start shaking uncontrollably. All I could do at that time was just waiting for the supervisor handed out the test paper. During that time, I tried to calm down myself by hardly scratching my arm under the desk but at the end I found out this would only get myself hurt. After five minutes checking identity and a few compulsive routines, the supervisor finally handed out the test paper.
幫我改下尼一篇英文 i am doing f.5 thx
2010-06-15 5:55 am
回答 (3)
2010-06-15 8:33 pm
✔ 最佳答案
On that day, I had to do an enrolment test in Craigmore Christian School . On the way to that school, we saw countless of lakes, rivers and small villages. Even when facing all these spectacular views, my mind was just blank (we seldom use “a blank in my mind”)as I knew I was not really there to enjoy myself.We parked in a playground next to Craigmore Christian School at around 12 noon. Soon as I stepped out the car I already felt the uneasy (no need to use 2 nouns “uneasiness” here) atmosphere. The sky was no longer clear nor sunny. With the gloomy clouds swallowed the fire ball, the whole sky was turning dark. The deathly breeze blew alongside the road and shook (we normally use “flicker” for abstract things like shadow, candle light, etc.) the faded leaves. As we walked down the silent route to the school all forms of life seemed to be hiding. After the two minutes’ walk, we went into the school and talked to the front office about the enrolment details. After another five minutes’ waiting, a middle age lady led (she cannot physically “took” you) me away from my uncle. She directed me to go to a classroom upstairs. At that time, I felt my heart was pounding so loud. I was really nervous as I knew this was an important moment of my life.
I reluctantly went (no the) upstairs. In the midway on the stairs, I realised my body was trembling and I had to hold on the handrail to sustain myself from falling down. I am not sure if it was caused by the cold weather or the nervousness. Anyway I gradually reached the top floor and went into the room. Inside the room, the supervisor nicely introduced himself. His friendly smile gave me a bit of relief after all these hard time (no that) I had been through. But as soon as I remembered this test might affect the rest of my life, my hand started shaking uncontrollably. All I could do at that time was just waiting for the supervisor to hand out the test paper.
2010-06-15 12:35:54 補充：
During that time, I tried to calm down myself by strongly scratching my arm under the desk, while at the end I found out this would only get myself hurt.
2010-06-15 12:36:10 補充：
After five minutes’ checking identity and a few inevitable routines, the supervisor finally handed out the test paper.
2010-06-15 12:38:24 補充：
Overall this is an impressive piece of work. Good command of vocabulary and excellent skill to express the atmosphere.
2010-06-15 13:05:36 補充：
Please see opinion section.
參考: Myself
2010-06-21 11:39 pm
On that day, I had to attend an enrolment test in Craigmore Christian School. On the way to that school, we saw countless of lakes, rivers and small villages. Despite all these spectacular views, my mind went blank as I knew I was not really there to enjoy myself.
We parked in a playground next to Craigmore Christian School at around noontime. I stepped out of the car and I felt the uneasy atmosphere in a while. The sky was no longer clear and sunny, the gloomy clouds swallowed the fireball, and the whole sky turned dark. The deathly breeze blew alongside the road which flickered the faded leaves, as we walked down the silent path to the school all forms of life seemed to be hiding. After the two-minute walk, we arrived at school and talked to the front office about the enrolment detail. After waiting for another five minutes, a middle age lady took me away from my uncle. She pointed me to go to a classroom upstairs. At that time, I was really nervous and I felt my heart pounding so loud, as I knew this would be an important moment of my life.
I reluctantly went up stair. In the midway on the stairs, I realised my body was trembling and I had to grasp the handrail to keep myself from falling down. I was not sure if it was too cold or my own nervousness. Anyway I gradually reached the top floor and walked into the room. Inside the room, the supervisor nicely introduced himself. His friendly smile gave me a bit of relief after all these hard times that I had been through. But as soon as I knew this test might affect the rest of my life, my hands started shaking uncontrollably. All I could do at that time was just waiting. During that time, I tried to calm down myself by scratching my arm hard under the desk but at the end I found out this would only hurt myself. After five minutes when identity verification and a few compulsory procedures had completed, the supervisor distributed the test papers to the examinees.
2010-06-30 17:47:35 補充：
ed_young, I wonder if you are analyzing every detail for every answer. Also, it is meaningless for me to point out ALL the careless mistakes made no matter from which answer, as a response to your comment. Anyway, Thanks for your comment. You revision was correct – though you didn’t get my point.
We parked in a playground next to Craigmore Christian School at around noontime. I stepped out of the car and I felt the uneasy atmosphere in a while. The sky was no longer clear and sunny, the gloomy clouds swallowed the fireball, and the whole sky turned dark. The deathly breeze blew alongside the road which flickered the faded leaves, as we walked down the silent path to the school all forms of life seemed to be hiding. After the two-minute walk, we arrived at school and talked to the front office about the enrolment detail. After waiting for another five minutes, a middle age lady took me away from my uncle. She pointed me to go to a classroom upstairs. At that time, I was really nervous and I felt my heart pounding so loud, as I knew this would be an important moment of my life.
I reluctantly went up stair. In the midway on the stairs, I realised my body was trembling and I had to grasp the handrail to keep myself from falling down. I was not sure if it was too cold or my own nervousness. Anyway I gradually reached the top floor and walked into the room. Inside the room, the supervisor nicely introduced himself. His friendly smile gave me a bit of relief after all these hard times that I had been through. But as soon as I knew this test might affect the rest of my life, my hands started shaking uncontrollably. All I could do at that time was just waiting. During that time, I tried to calm down myself by scratching my arm hard under the desk but at the end I found out this would only hurt myself. After five minutes when identity verification and a few compulsory procedures had completed, the supervisor distributed the test papers to the examinees.
2010-06-30 17:47:35 補充：
ed_young, I wonder if you are analyzing every detail for every answer. Also, it is meaningless for me to point out ALL the careless mistakes made no matter from which answer, as a response to your comment. Anyway, Thanks for your comment. You revision was correct – though you didn’t get my point.
參考: hkslot
2010-06-15 8:19 pm
Excellent description and story layout at your level. Hope the following corrections will help you improve your overall writing skills.
On that day, I had to take an enrolment test in Craigmore Christian School. On the way to that school, we saw countless [] lakes, rivers and small villages. However facing all these spectacular views, my mind remains blank as I knew I was not really there to enjoy myself.
We parked in a playground next to Craigmore Christian School at around Noon. As soon as I stepped out of the car I [] felt the uneasiness in the atmosphere. The sky was no longer clear and sunny, the gloomy clouds swallowed the fire ball (what do you mean? Fireball = the Sun? I suggest you say the Sun), the whole sky turned into darkness. The deadly breeze blew alongside the road which flickered the faded leaves (what is faded leaves?)[no comma here if you want to link the deadly breeze with your walk] as we walked down the silent route to school in which (all forms of life seemed to be hiding)[(_) is wrongly structured with little effect on the sentence but if you really want it you’ll need “in which”.]. After the two-minute walk, we went in the school and inquire at the front office [you cannot talk to an office] about the enrolment detail. After another five minutes waiting, a middle age lady took me away from my uncle. She pointed me to go to a classroom upstairs. At that time, I felt my heart pounding so loud, I was really nervous, as I knew this was an important moment of my life.
2010-06-15 12:19:44 補充：
I reluctantly went up the stairs. In the midway up the stairs, I realised my body was trembling and I had to hold on the handrail to sustain myself from falling down. I was not sure if it was caused by the cold weather or the nervousness.
2010-06-15 12:20:39 補充：
But as soon as I knew this test might affect the rest of my life, my hand [] then started shaking uncontrollably. All I could do at that time was just waiting for the supervisor to hand out the test paper.
2010-06-15 12:22:56 補充：
太多字無法繼續ｓｏｒｒｙ
On that day, I had to take an enrolment test in Craigmore Christian School. On the way to that school, we saw countless [] lakes, rivers and small villages. However facing all these spectacular views, my mind remains blank as I knew I was not really there to enjoy myself.
We parked in a playground next to Craigmore Christian School at around Noon. As soon as I stepped out of the car I [] felt the uneasiness in the atmosphere. The sky was no longer clear and sunny, the gloomy clouds swallowed the fire ball (what do you mean? Fireball = the Sun? I suggest you say the Sun), the whole sky turned into darkness. The deadly breeze blew alongside the road which flickered the faded leaves (what is faded leaves?)[no comma here if you want to link the deadly breeze with your walk] as we walked down the silent route to school in which (all forms of life seemed to be hiding)[(_) is wrongly structured with little effect on the sentence but if you really want it you’ll need “in which”.]. After the two-minute walk, we went in the school and inquire at the front office [you cannot talk to an office] about the enrolment detail. After another five minutes waiting, a middle age lady took me away from my uncle. She pointed me to go to a classroom upstairs. At that time, I felt my heart pounding so loud, I was really nervous, as I knew this was an important moment of my life.
2010-06-15 12:19:44 補充：
I reluctantly went up the stairs. In the midway up the stairs, I realised my body was trembling and I had to hold on the handrail to sustain myself from falling down. I was not sure if it was caused by the cold weather or the nervousness.
2010-06-15 12:20:39 補充：
But as soon as I knew this test might affect the rest of my life, my hand [] then started shaking uncontrollably. All I could do at that time was just waiting for the supervisor to hand out the test paper.
2010-06-15 12:22:56 補充：
太多字無法繼續ｓｏｒｒｙ
收錄日期: 2021-04-11 17:29:27
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100614000051KK01681