[緊急+20點] 請高手幫我執執呢幾段講辭！

Let's start by looking at “Improvement Needs”. Referring to this pie chart.
As you can see, about [] half of the students thought that Facebook should defend user's personal data. Nearly one-fifth of them said that there should be [] password setting somewhere. About a quarter of students indicated that Facebook should provide more guidelines for the security of personal data. These are my findings.

Based on Ko Ho's conclusion, we recommend that people should lock their personal information and Facebook should provide more guidelines to increase user's safety awareness. Moreover, they should provide more secured software and store the users' passwords at somewhere that not everyone can [] copy unreleased personal data and photos. The victims should call the police when their personal data and photos [] were illegally used by others.

For the final conclusion, we understand that a survey by interviews are not easy as we thought, because the results of survey need to be accurately replied on the responses to be useful. So we must be[] careful[] in the planning and implementation. Moreover, we had little room for time allocation. This made our work schedule became so tight. Afterall, we mastered a lot of investigative skills and the attitude of young people using Facbook. This is the end of our presentation, thank you!


只改正一些好錯的詞和grammar，內容沒有修改，雖然有點零碎，但編寫得都算全面。請注意尾落應該不是final conclusion，因為內容是你們的研習心得，而不是那統計的結論。建議把For the final conclusion改為In running this project,

留意最後的By the way是「順便一提」的意思，但你是要作出一項重要的結論，所以不應該用，要用一個讓人注要的連接詞。我見同學們常以為這是個phrase是作為一種結束或另起議題的詞，但實際上除非你將要講的無關重要，才可用(例)By the way...some of the students we've interviewed were not cooperative, thus we had to spend more time to guide them to answer the questions properly.這跟個結果沒有重要影響，只是讓你知道你們背後的努力細節。