問英文功課....關於grammer,句子結構....等等

A
We have received your letter of 10 May. The letter is about your
enquiry about our new database, Professional Writer Online

We have received your letter on 10 May. The letter is about your
enquiry of our new database, Professional Writer Online.

1. Not " of 10 May " ,it should be " on 10 May" because an exact date
must be followed by "on" . " Of" is needed when we read the date
----- 10 th of May" .
2. If a sentence carries two "about" , it will be verbose.
Furthermore , you should change the latter "about " into "of", so that
the whole sentence will be fluent. Also, " is about " , in general, is a fixed
expression. You should not make any changes on it.
B
As you are an experienced customer of our company, you can
enjoy a discount if you place your order within this month.

As you are a patron of our company, you can enjoy an discount if you
place your order in this month.

1. The word "experienced" is confusing in the sentence.When we talk
about those ( customers) who always buy items in a place, we call
them " patron".
2. The word "this" implies a certain time. We should use " in " to explain
the time.
C
In view of the fact that he was very busy. The personnel director
interviewed only candidates who had excellent computer skills.

In view of the fact that the personnel director was very busy, he (just)interviewed candidates who had excellent computer skills.

1. The pronoun " he" should be used after we mention a subject first.
2. "Only" is redundant in the sentence. We should focus on the
personnel director , not candidates.







2010-05-19 14:54:14 補充：
The last two cannot be shown.

唔該晒以上兩位網民...
其實2個意見都好好....
不過只可揀一個最佳回答....我揀左第1位...
thx so muxh...好有幫助

a.1. I consider "of 10 May" as typing error and if changing to "on 10 May" will mean different things. We've recevied your letter of 10 May refer to the letter was dated 10 May sent by the customer, but changing to We've received your letter on 10 May means we read your letter on 10 May. Unfortunately this is one of the "mistake" if there are two in each question.
a.2. The letter is about your enquiry ON our new database.

b.1. As you're a long-term customer of our company.
"Experienced" cannot be used to describe a customer, only use for skilled worker/professinals.

b.2. place your order by this month. "within" this month is Chinglish here.
c.1. In view of the fact that the personnel director was very busy,
First, "he" is a pronoun, a proper subject must appear first, "the personnel director". Second, this is a conditional clause (i.e. the first part means "because the personal director was busy"), it should not end with a full-stop, it should use a comma.

c.2. he only interviewed candidates who had...
"only" refers to the action of interviewing better.

d.1. while the latter will be ...
It is "latter" not "later".希望不你上載時串錯字。
d.2. next Spring.
Generally, "Spring" being the season will be cap.

e.1. collaborated xxxxxx
"collaborate" already work together, redundant meaning.
e.2. uniquely xxxxx
"uniquely" = "one of a kind" and "original" = "never been seen before" both have similar in meaning.
e.3. "final outcomes" do not link up with unique or original too well.

The engineers collarborated in order to produce the unique outcomes in their research. The report will be sent to your with details (of the research) tomorrow morning.

這題有太多可以改好的地方，不肯定那樣才是答案，所以重寫給你自己諗吓。