請幫幫忙去改一改這個寫作的錯處 (10分)

A healthy life

THERE ARE many people do not have a healthy life RIGHT now.
It is because they are ALWAYS busy in their work.
They do not have SO MUCH time to care ABOUT their HEALTH.
However, A healthy life is very important , we should KEEP IT IN MIND.

First of all, we should exercise MORE. ALSO, WE should eat more
vegetableS and fruitS. THEY ARE HIGH IN VITAMINS AND FIBERS. CAN HELP OUR BODIES TO PREVENT ILLNESSES AND IMPROVE OUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS.

Finally , we should not eat THAT many SNACKS AND JUNK FOOD. SUCH AS: chocolateS , CANDIES. (依家好少人用SWEET)
, ice-creamS , chips, AND ETC.

They can make me us fat and have a disease. (DISEAES唔會用A,因為數唔倒. 同埋應該講話食零食會令到....)

應該:
If we take alot of snacks and junk food, eventually our bodies will become over-weighted. Too much saturated fat in our body can lead to heart disease and other illnesses.

2010-05-14 01:39:35 補充：
It is because they are ALWAYS busy in their work.

用BUSY AT THEIR WORK會比較好.

2010-05-14 01:41:04 補充：
CAN HELP OUR BODIES TO PREVENT ILLNESSES AND IMPROVE OUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS.

更正:

加個AND 係前面.

由於你好誠懇問，請恕我先提出一個問題，個題目是老師出還是你自己作的？因為連個題目都不太英文，或說只屬低級程度。

既然有咁多已經幫你改正了文法，我想試吓改寫，作為參考吧。


A Healthy Lifestyle

Many people do not have a healthy lifestyle these days. They are busy with their works, they don’t exercise, and they don’t have the time to care for their bodies. But still, everyone knows that a healthy lifestyle is important.

First of all, “we are what we eat”. We should have a balance diet with more vegetables and fruits than meat. Less snack and sweat are always better as they usually give us fat and related diseases. Then, we have to know how much energy we intake and how must we used, we have to exercise to maintain this balance. Exercise also trains up our body with healthier muscle and a stronger heart for the long run.
Finally, a healthy lifestyle also includes our mental state. A positive and happy attitude is very important so that we will not loose our enjoyment in living. A wholesome person is a person that is liked by everybody including him or herself.

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希望可以幫到你!

A healthy life

So many people do not have a healthy life now because they are busy with their work. They do not have enough time to care for their health.
However, healthy life is very important for us. We should regard our healthy life seriously.

First of all, we should do more exercise and eat more vegetables and fruit. Grain products and dairy products are good for our health. We should eat more this kinds of food. They are good for us. Dairy products are good for our teeth and bones.

Finally , we should not eat too many snacks and junk food. For example , chocolate, sweets, ice-cream, chips...
They are bad for us. They make us fat and damage our teeth.

I am just trying to follow your original meaning to rewrite your essay and some grammatical mistakes have been corrected.

2010-05-14 00:29:05 補充：
Pls pay more attention to the countable and uncountable nouns.

A healthy life

Nowadays , many people do not have a healthy life .
It is because they are busy in their work.
They do not have enough time to care about their health.
However , healthy life is very important , we should regard healthy life further.

First of all , we should do more exercise .Moreover, we should eat more
vegetable and fruits, These can make us healthy.

Finally , we should not eat so much snack . For example , chocolate , sweet
ice-cream , chip......
They can make us fat and have diseases