Check Grammer!! Thanks!!20poin

Yesterday (YESTERDAY要加 (,)) was Susan's birthday, (呢句已完整了) Her father bought her a robot cat from a (用 a 因為間店你之前冇提過) toy shop. She was happy. (呢句已經完整了)

After she brought the robot cat (IT) home, she found that the robot cat( IT) can speak(S) ! Verb後面加S. clearly! (不用CLEARLY, 因為SPEAK已足夠) She was very surprised! She wanted to show her robot cat (IT) to her classmates. So the next day, she brought it to school. (尾兩句這樣寫比較好)

While she was having the third lesson, the Science lesson, her school bag had some noises and (gradually) 漸漸 became louder and louder. All classmates (were) look(ing) at her (因為個個都望住佢). She was shy. She was afraid that the robot cat will jump out of (FROM) the bag so she covered her bag with her hand, but the robot cat (it) still came out. She was fearful, she was afraid (that) the teacher will (WOULD) punish her. Luckily the teacher used the robot cat(IT) for (AS) an example! (呢句唔係好明, 係咪你想指個老師用左隻貓黎教學?) Phew! (唷!) What a lucky day Susan had!

再唔明可以EMAIL我~

2010-05-01 23:59:51 補充：
was Susan's birthday, <==忙記改句號 (.) SORRY!!

2010-05-02 00:01:54 補充：
第二段既
she found that the robot cat( IT) can speak <==你依家用緊過去式所以CAN要轉過去: COULD)

2010-05-02 18:53:27 補充：
To 002,

其實SPEAK得清唔清楚都要睇寫作個主人既意思. 你唔可以幫作者決定的.

上面 David 說：「不用CLEARLY, 因為SPEAK已足夠」這話不正確。喃喃自語或 murmuring 也是 speak，但不一定清楚，所以 clearly 可以留低。

文中 shared her joy to her classmates 要改為 shared her joy with her classmates。

"...her school bag had some noises and became louder and louder." 的 became 前要加 it，否則便變成個 school bag became louder 而不是聲音 became louder。
"She was afraid that the robot cat will jump..." 中的 will 改為 would。