我作的文,請問有沒有錯文法(我知結構不完整,遲點再改)

Many younger buy expansive clothe and design their hair in order to be attractive.
Many younger (?) clothe (clothings) 冇人用DESIGN HAIR架~ 應該係用Do their hair. 可以簡單D唔用inorder to be attractive. (to look good).

However,I think that it is more important to be clever than beautiful or handsome.

However, it is more important inner self rather then the appearance.
不如你大體D講最重要係內在的自己(inner self).
Beautiful, Handsome --最好用一個字講比較簡單: APPEARANCE (外表)

Every one will loss their good appearance due to the time,but clever can last.
It is easy for you to become charming when you are young.however ,One day when you get old like a paerl become yellow , everthing become in ruin.

good appearance 係唔會loss架~ 而everyone(每一位) 應該用everybody (人人) will get old (衰老) as time goes by. (隨住時間) Clever 自己係唔會LAST架人腦都有衰退既一日架麻 Only the good personailty can last.
年紀大都可以好CHARM (魅力)架喎~_~ 就算你咁寫GRAMMAR都錯左...to become charming (to後面verb唔可以+ing). 甘本成句都錯晒~_~ 前後矛盾

The definition of good looking is different in every eye (everyone's eyes),But if you are really clever (you have a good character) every one will agree.
No matter how hard had (take out: HAD) you tried to be handsome (try to look good) and you are every (take out: every) satisfied (past tense? should be present) with your appearance. There may (be) exist (take out: exist) some one do not (does not) agree with you. Good looking is a very (take out a very) subjective judgement (不需要judgement). There are no way for you to be handsome is every one eyes. (最後呢句成句都唔需要, 多餘的)

On the contract (唔明?),Clever (A good character/personality) is a objective personality.If you are really clever,you work more effective (efficient) than other (plural: OTHERS),alert to danger and able to overcome a (take out A) difficulty (plurals: Difficulties) job (no need job).
everyone will agree than (wrong prep. agree WITH) you are clever ((A good character/personality).

In a word (in other words), clever is more valuable for us to seek (no need for us to seek) rather then beauty (to look good).

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1.Many youngsters buy expensive clothes and have their hair cut stylishly in order to be more attractive.
2.Everyone(一個字來) will lose their good appearance as time passes, but cleverness lasts forever.
3.One day when you get old just like a pearl become yellow , everthing becomes in ruins.
4.The definition of good looking is different in every eye,but if you are really clever
,everyone will approve you.
5.No matter how hard had you tried to be handsome and you are very satisfactory with your appearance.There must be existence of some one which do not agree with you.
6.Contrastively,Clever is an objective personality.If you are really clever,you work more effective ,more alert to danger and able to overcome a difficulty job when comparing with others.
7.Then,everyone will agree with your intelligence and you will receive their appreciation.
8.In a word, cleverness is more valuable for us to seek rather then beauty. We should be more realistic but not materialistic. Our mind is more important than our appearance in our work and daily life
希望幫到你^^~